DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been into swinging for 20 years. Everything has always been "no strings attached." I was with one man several times before he married his current wife. She's very religious, not into swinging and doesn't know he is.
I'm so attracted to "Nick" that I dream about him and have met him outside our marriages. I know it's wrong, but I can't keep him out of my mind. My husband doesn't know, and I know it would hurt him deeply. Should I tell Nick, or quit writing him on our swinging site? -- DESPAIR DOWN SOUTH
DEAR DESPAIR: And what have you to gain by revealing your feelings? If you think it would make Nick leave his wife, forget it. Because you know it would hurt your husband -- although I'm having trouble understanding why, because you're swingers -- I recommend you refrain from causing him pain.
DEAR ABBY: My family has been put in a difficult position. Last year, a woman my brother had a one-night-stand with became pregnant. I have heard from more than one person that she's known as the town tramp or "crazy."
We're sure she planned it because he makes a good living and can support the child financially, and she insisted on keeping the baby. My brother, God bless him, is doing what's necessary, although having a child with a woman he has come to despise weighs heavily on him.
How should we, his family, handle this? At this point, I have no interest in laying eyes on her or her baby, blood kin or not. I feel no affinity for the child because I know my brother didn't want it. Maybe in time, I could find a way to know this child, but for now my anger prevents it. -- LIVID SISTER IN TEXAS
DEAR LIVID: None of this is the fault of the baby. No one forced your brother to sleep with the "town tramp." I respect him for living up to his responsibilities to his child.
You have nothing to lose by being kind to your nephew/niece and his/her mother. Frankly, it appears she could use befriending, and in the years ahead that baby may need a stabilizing female influence.
DEAR ABBY: My new father-in-law always greets me with a hug and a kiss on the mouth. I come from a family who doesn't kiss on the lips, and I find it extremely awkward. I'm not sure how to handle the situation.
I don't want to bring it up to him because I'm afraid it would be offensive. I have mentioned it to my husband, who kind of shrugged it off, saying his father is "old school." I have started turning my head when we greet so that he hits my cheek instead of my mouth. Please advise me on how to deal with this. -- TURNING A CHEEK IN MICHIGAN
DEAR TURNING: I think you're handling the situation well. If your father-in-law asks why you're turning your head, all you have to do is smile and say you save kisses on the mouth for your husband.
P.S. I don't know what "old school" your father-in-law attended, but I wouldn't set foot on that campus.