DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been friends with a bachelor for 30 years. Over the past year we have had a problem with him that is seriously straining our friendship. When he uses the bathroom in our home, he leaves a terrible mess. There's urine all over the toilet and a large puddle on the bathroom floor. The last time he was here, it was obvious he had stepped in it and tracked it around as he left the room! I'm extremely upset and angry.
In addition, it's obvious he doesn't wash his hands, as the sink and soap are bone-dry. I don't want him to come over anymore. My husband wants me to be more forgiving. We're both too embarrassed to say anything to him. Should we stop being his friend, or have a frank talk? He is oblivious and continues to contact us and wants to visit. We either put him off or try to arrange to meet him elsewhere. It is becoming unbearable. -- DISGUSTED IN LOUISIANA
DEAR DISGUSTED: It would be a shame to throw away a 30-year friendship without trying to save it. Could there be a physical problem that has caused this change in your longtime friend -- a bladder problem, or one with his eyesight?
You are all adults, and longtime friends should be able to speak frankly with each other. Because your husband is closer to him than you are, he's the one who needs to talk to him "man to man" and point out the fact that there is a problem and then ask what might be wrong.