DEAR ABBY: My daughter has been living with her boyfriend for three years with no promise of marriage. She is 37, so we have advised her very little. The problem is, she wants us to continue treating him as family at gatherings and celebrations. Her father, sister and I are uncomfortable with this. On her most recent birthday, we were hoping he would give her a ring, but he gave her a snowboard.
We think he is leading her on and has no intention of marrying her. We no longer feel comfortable treating him like a member of our family. Are we right? -- LOOKING OUT FOR OUR GIRL
DEAR LOOKING OUT: What you were hoping your daughter's boyfriend would give her for her birthday is irrelevant. I understand that you would like your daughter to be married, but it is possible that she and this man are comfortable with things the way they are. If you start to freeze him out, you may alienate not only him but also your daughter, so I don't recommend it.
You appear to be confusing the boyfriend's unwillingness or inability to make a formal commitment with some kind of rejection, which may not be the case at all. Some couples live together longer than this before heading down the aisle.