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Friend in Long Relationship Signals She May Want Out

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 25-year-old lesbian from a suburban area outside the Twin Cities. It's not easy finding other gay women in this area, unless I visit Minneapolis, which I don't enjoy. I always seem to fall for straight girls or girls who have always been straight but are bi-curious, which never ends well for me.

My current situation has me stumped. The girl I'm interested in is in a relationship with a man. They have been together for a long time and have kids together. I have kept my distance for the most part because I don't want to be pushy or seem like a home-wrecker.

As we have grown closer over the past couple of months, she has told me she doesn't want to be with him anymore. She said she isn't in love with him and she's tired of pretending. Recently, she confided that she can't reach sexual satisfaction unless she thinks about women and she isn't sure what that means. She made a move on me once. A few weeks ago she kissed me, but nothing has happened since. I'm not sure what to say or do -- if anything at all. Help? -- NO HOME-WRECKER

DEAR NO HOME-WRECKER: What you should say to this woman is that she's sending you signals that she's interested in starting a romantic relationship, and ask her if it's true. If she says that it is, ask what she plans to do about her boyfriend. If she's unsure, you will then have to decide how you feel about becoming part of a triangle, because it could get messy. Very messy.

Between us, you would be better off if you focused on finding someone who is available and clear about her orientation. And if it means forcing yourself to go to Minneapolis, then that's what you should do.

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