DEAR ABBY: Many years ago we adopted three children through our state's child welfare system. At the time, we knew they had full and half-siblings somewhere "in the system." We have not yet told our children they have biological siblings, although they do know their birth parents are no longer living due to drug abuse.
I was recently able to locate two of the full siblings through Internet research, and I have been following their lives on their social networking pages. Both are adults now -- one is a college student; the other is a young mother.
I am torn. My children are teenagers now and old enough to be told they have other siblings. But should I uproot these young women's lives to learn about us and meet our children? I'm also not sure whether they know the circumstances of their biological parents' deaths or would want that information.
It doesn't seem fair to dump all this on a college student and a young mom, but my children have a right to know, too. I almost wish I had never started searching. Please advise. -- KEEPER OF THE SECRET IN ILLINOIS
DEAR KEEPER OF THE SECRET: You are obviously a caring and sensitive woman. I agree that your children have a right to know they have other blood relatives. I'd be very surprised if the young women your children are related to were shocked by your contacting them. They are older and may have some recollection of their siblings. However, before discussing this with your teenagers, I recommend that you make the initial contact to be absolutely sure the two adult siblings would like to meet your children.