Dear Abby

Wife on the Road Grows Uneasy With Man's Bar Hopping Habits

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dan," and I are in our early 30s and have been married five years. He's bright, sweet, outgoing and very good-looking. He is in excellent shape and works out at the gym daily.

Dan has become friendly with a group of men at the gym. Like him, they are all good-looking and in tip-top shape. They are also gay. One guy in particular, "Harry," has become quite close to my husband. He often jokes about "recruiting" Dan and comments on Dan's popularity with "the boys."

My work requires that I travel frequently, and Dan has been going out with Harry to gay bars where he gets "hit on" often. I can tell he likes the attention. I should also mention that Dan seems to be considerably less interested in sex lately.

I hate to think of my husband alone and lonely while I'm away, but his going to gay bars every night is beginning to worry me. If I say anything to him about it, he guilt-trips me about my travel.

Is it normal for a straight man to seek out the company of gay men? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- GAY-FRIENDLY IN N.Y.C.

DEAR GAY-FRIENDLY: It is unusual for a straight man to frequent gay bars. But would you feel better if Dan was going to straight bars every night and being hit on by women while you're away?

Your greater concern, in my opinion, should be his change in pattern of behavior. If Dan is less interested in sex with you than he has been, then you need to find out why. I have always favored the direct approach. The person you should be discussing this with is your husband. When you do, be frank but not accusatory, and do not allow him to divert the conversation by making you feel guilty about your business travel.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm moving soon from Florida to New York. I have a 16-year-old Chihuahua named Pedro who is not in good health. I'm torn about what to do. Should I take him with me, or have him put to sleep? I am an animal lover and have always had pets, but this is the first time I have ever had this problem.

I'm renting a truck and will be driving up to New York. Some say the stress will be too much for Pedro. He's a little fighter, but at his age, I don't know how he will handle cold weather. He has lived in Florida his whole life. What do you think? I'm asking everyone's opinion. -- LEAVING THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR LEAVING: You say Pedro is a fighter -- well, give him a fighting chance. He could surprise you and make it through next winter and several after that. However, although you are asking "everyone's" opinion, the one that should carry the most weight is Pedro's veterinarian.

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DEAR ABBY: My family has been having a debate over the issue of how the name "Jeanne" is pronounced. They think it is pronounced "Jean-nee," while I am certain it's pronounced the same as "Jean." Could you please help us with the correct pronunciation? -- A DOVER, N.H., READER

DEAR READER: The name "Jeanne" can be pronounced either way, depending upon the Jeanne's preference. In my case, it has always been pronounced "Jean-nee."

However, if the name-caller is French, it might be pronounced "J'ahne," with a very soft "J" -- like Zsa-Zsa.

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Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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