Dear Abby

Man's Ex Girlfriend Has Warning for His Fiancee

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Brady," broke up with me in November. Five weeks later he became engaged to someone else. I found out after that I have genital warts. My yearly exams never showed any problems before, so I know I got them from Brady. I'm getting treatment now, but I'll be contagious for the rest of my life.

I have been unable to tell Brady about this because he won't respond to my attempts to contact him. I'm now trying to decide if I should tell his fiancee. I know he wants children, and this disease can have some serious repercussions if she gets pregnant.

Do I leave this woman in the dark, or should I give her the medical information she and her doctors should have? -- NEEDS TO DO THE RIGHT THING IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS TO DO THE RIGHT THING: Five weeks into a relationship is a whirlwind courtship, unless Brady was cheating on you with his fiancee before your breakup. If that's the case, she may be the person who infected Brady.

Since he won't respond to you, send him a registered letter informing him of your diagnosis, and any other information about genital warts you feel is relevant. If you're worried that the fiancee is in the dark about this, send her a copy -- also by registered mail. That way you'll know it was received.

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DEAR ABBY: I am the product of an interracial relationship from the late '60s. My maternal grandmother wanted nothing to do with me and made my teenage mother give me up for adoption. Before my biological mother passed away a few years ago, her dying wish was for my grandmother and me to form a relationship. She didn't want her mother to be alone in her final years.

I made an attempt to forge a relationship with my grandmother only to be told that she didn't like me because of the color of my skin. Since then, I have been having bad dreams of my mother being disappointed in me because I didn't fulfill her wish. Please advise me on what I should do. -- UNACCEPTED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNACCEPTED: It takes two people to form a relationship. By reaching out to your grandmother, you did the best you could to fulfill your mother's wish -- which, from your description of your grandmother, was an unfair burden to try to place on you. There's no reason for you to court another round of rejection and, for your sake, I'm advising you not to.

It may help to write a letter to your mother, explaining to her what happened when you reached out to your grandmother and how it felt, then read it at her grave. But please, stop blaming yourself for your grandmother's inability to love.

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DEAR ABBY: While going through pictures on my girlfriend's computer, I discovered that she had posed nude for a drawing by her artist daughter. For some reason, I am really bothered by her posing nude and doing it for her daughter. How can I bring this up, which will let her know that I was snooping on her computer? -- SAW WAY TOO MUCH IN KENTUCKY

DEAR SAW WAY TOO MUCH: Why would you be "really bothered" by a mother posing nude for her daughter who is an artist? Most mothers and daughters have seen each other in states of undress and there is nothing shocking about it.

My advice is to first figure out what you think is "wrong" with it, then admit that you snooped so you can talk it out. After that, she can determine if she wants to continue being involved with a man who is as nosy and prudish as you appear to be.

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