CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: If you are partying tonight to celebrate the arrival of the new year, please don't drink and drive. Make sure you have a designated driver.
I wish you all a happy, healthy, prosperous 2013! -- LOVE, ABBY
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: If you are partying tonight to celebrate the arrival of the new year, please don't drink and drive. Make sure you have a designated driver.
I wish you all a happy, healthy, prosperous 2013! -- LOVE, ABBY
DEAR ABBY: I am a professional driver. Please allow me to offer some advice to everyone I share the road with:
(1) Please do not honk or display obscene gestures because I am driving the speed limit. It's not my fault that you're late.
(2) Please don't pass me on the right, using the curb lane, parking lane, bike lane or sidewalk. It's dangerous for me, for you, and for anyone who happens to be in those lanes legally.
(3) Please obey the stop signs, stoplights, yield signs and other signs on the road. They're there to protect people.
(4) Please put down that breakfast sandwich, cup of coffee, lunch or dinner. If you're that hungry, pull over to eat.
(5) Please turn off your cellphones while driving. Whatever it is, it can wait. And if it can't, you have no business being behind the wheel.
(6) If you must discipline your children, please pull over to do it. I have seen drivers wrap their vehicles around trees and lampposts because they had turned around to talk to their child.
I drive more than 1,000 miles a week, and I see more accidents than most will in a lifetime. Many of them could have been avoided simply by paying attention to the road. If you choose to ignore this advice, I can pretty much guarantee that you will injure, or possibly kill, someone eventually. If my letter prevents just one fatality, then it was well worth the time it took to write it. -- MILWAUKEE MILE MAN
DEAR MILE MAN: Thank you for taking the time to write. As both a driver and a passenger, I have seen some frightening near-misses because drivers chose to ignore speed limits and run stop signs and stoplights. Usually the infractions are caused less because of thoughtlessness than by rudeness and an attitude that the rules of the road apply to everyone else.
And please don't think that automobile drivers are the only transgressors, because I have seen bikers and cyclists do some of the same things.
DEAR ABBY: Why do some people think it's acceptable to tuck in the tag on my shirt? It's bad enough when my mother does it, but I have had acquaintances and even strangers do it without asking.
I said something the last time it happened, and the woman had the gall to take offense! All I said was, "Please don't!" Am I wrong? -- PLEASE DON'T IN TEXAS
DEAR PLEASE DON'T: I'm sure there are various reasons why people try to tuck in an errant tag -- or remove a piece of lint -- from a stranger's clothing. I suspect they range from attempting to be helpful, to impulsiveness to compulsive behavior.
However, because what the woman did made you uncomfortable, you were right to tell her that you didn't like it. She should have asked before touching a stranger because many people are sensitive to any breach of their personal space.
DEAR ABBY: My sister, the mother of three boys, is now unable to take care of them. My family is asking me and my new husband to take them in.
To me it's a no-brainer -- something I'd do in a heartbeat. My husband refuses! He says that if we do, we'll never have children of our own. I feel like I'm being forced to choose between my husband and my nephews. What would you do? -- PULLED IN TWO IN CINCINNATI
DEAR PULLED IN TWO: I'd keep talking to my husband about it, and find out why he thinks that taking in your nephews would prevent you from having children of your own. As a newly married man, he may be feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of having three boys to raise and support -- so he can't imagine having another child with you.
Do not let the subject rest until you have the answers to all of your questions. If the reasons are financial, perhaps he'd be more open to the idea if the rest of the family is willing to chip in. If that's not the case, then you will have some serious choices to make.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my wonderful wife for 35 years. Friends have said they wish they could have a relationship like ours, but an interloper has come between us, interfering with our ability to communicate.
Her cellphone has taken over her life. She's constantly playing word games with 12 different friends, texting, etc. It starts first thing in the morning and lasts into the night. I returned my cellphone after two weeks when I saw the writing on the wall.
My wife and I used to sit together and have nice conversations. Now they are interrupted by weird noises when her phone announces she has another text.
I took a friend on a fishing trip to Mexico, and his phone never left his palm. Is this my future? -- MISSING FACE TIME IN ARIZONA
DEAR MISSING: Yes, unless you are able to negotiate an agreed-upon period of time during which you are your wife's first priority and her cellphone is turned off. As to your fishing buddy, either accept that he has a new toy, or cast around for someone who is less technology-addicted to join you next time.
DEAR ABBY: After two years of dating, my girlfriend, "Noelle," and I have become engaged. I asked for her father's blessing, and after first telling me he wanted a few weeks to think about it, he said yes. He then complained because he thought I'd ask him "somewhere with less distractions." (We were at the house, alone. He was sitting on the couch and I was in a chair.) I think he was just looking for something to gripe about.
After receiving his blessing, I proposed. Her dad says he's happy for us, but keeps acting like the wedding is years away. We have set a date for nine months from now, but he won't even discuss the budget. He calls Noelle and tells her who he wants her to invite, but seems surprised to find out it costs money. He's breaking her heart.
I am buying a condo, so I don't have much money available, but I have offered to help as much as I can. It's killing Noelle to have her father act this way. He is complaining about being forced to take out a loan. Is there anything I can do to get him to realize he's ruining this for his daughter? -- STRESSED-OUT GROOM, REDWOOD CITY, CALIF.
DEAR STRESSED OUT: Probably not, but you could relieve the stress on everyone by talking Noelle into a romantic elopement.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Lance" for about two years now. We communicate well, have great chemistry and are very affectionate with each other. Lance is kind, creative (he's an artist) and considerate. However, he lacks ambition.
I'm a big thinker who wants big things in life. I have traveled extensively and am very involved in the world of academia. Lance works in a bar three nights a week and plays video games when I'm not around. I know from our conversations that he is intelligent and capable of doing so much more.
Is there any way to motivate him without nagging? I feel I may be selling myself short by being with someone who is content to sit on the couch. On the other hand, I have dated more ambitious men who turned out to be jerks. Must women have to choose between nice guys who finish last and dominating power mongers? -- ASKING TOO MUCH? IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR ASKING TOO MUCH?: The male sex is not divided into two categories -- nice guys who finish last and power mongers. If you look around, you will see there are control freaks who finish last, and nice men who work hard at their jobs or professions and are successful.
If you feel you are selling yourself short by being with Lance, then you probably are. If you would like to motivate him, tell him you think you need to be with someone who has more direction in life. If that doesn't galvanize him to action, nothing will.
DEAR ABBY: After being in a four-year relationship with an alcoholic who was emotionally, verbally and at times physically abusive, I got out. I have moved back with my parents to save money so I can get my own place. When I told my mother about some of the incidents that happened, she said, "I know how you can be." My father seemed more supportive -- until recently.
My ex has a son I grew close to, as did my parents. Last week, I found out my ex had contacted them and his son will be coming here for a visit. Abby, I don't want my ex to know anything about my current life! I'm afraid he's trying to manipulate and torment me while I try to move forward.
I feel hurt and angry at my parents for not respecting my feelings. I can't seem to get through to my mom, and Dad just looked at me and said, "Well, you're the one who stayed for so long!" I don't know if I can forgive them for this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- HURT DAUGHTER IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR HURT DAUGHTER: I'll try. When people are attracted to -- and stay with -- a partner who is emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically abusive, it's sometimes because there was dysfunction in their upbringing. You don't say how long you have been staying with your parents, but if there is no alternative, you need to stick to your plan and stay until you have enough money to rent a place of your own.
When the boy arrives, greet him warmly and spend as little time there as possible. Give him no information about your work or your social life other than to say you are doing fine and are very happy. And as soon as you have enough money to establish some independence, get out of there.
P.S. If you haven't already joined an Al-Anon group, I recommend it. Attend some meetings before the boy arrives, and don't keep that a secret while he's there.