DEAR ABBY: I want to be at home on Christmas! Am I so bad? Every year, my mother-in-law pushes us to be at her house on Christmas. My husband and I have even discussed this issue with a marriage counselor. Together, we agreed to always be in our home on Christmas Day. I am happy to have my in-laws over, but not bothered if they choose not to come.
My husband talked to his mother, and everything was worked out last year. However, when I told him she was starting up again, he got mad at me! It makes me sad that he is more worried about pacifying his mother than making memories with me.
I want to fix dinner and do special things in my home because I didn't have that when I was a child. Am I so terrible to want that? She had her time. Now I want my time. -- WANTS MY TURN IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR WANTS YOUR TURN: Your husband got mad at you because he has been on the receiving end of heavy pressure from his mother. She's alive and kicking, so in her mind her "time" is not yet over.
While I sympathize with your desire to establish traditions of your own, you will encounter less resistance and resentment if you do it gradually. A way to do that would be to alternate Christmas holidays between your home and your in-laws' -- a suggestion I hope you will take to heart.