Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My father is a state worker who has "furlough Fridays." My sister, "Dee," went home early from school last Friday because she wasn't feeling well and found him in bed with one of his co-workers. Mom was at work, so apparently Dad thought he was safe. If Mom ever found out, their marriage would be over. Dad is begging Dee not to tell.

Dee and I have been saving for a large HDTV for our bedroom. Dad is now offering to pay for it. He says he'll tell Mom he's helping us because we have been working so hard to save the money. Actually, he'd pay for the whole thing and let us keep our money.

Dee is all for it. She says we can use Dad's affair to get more from him in the future. I'm shocked and disappointed in my father, and while I don't want to see my parents' marriage destroyed, I don't feel right about letting him bribe us. What should I do? -- CALIFORNIA GIRL

DEAR CALIFORNIA GIRL: Your father is a piece of work. That he would attempt to rope his daughters in as co-conspirators shows the extent of his lack of character. And if you didn't realize it, you wouldn't have written to me.

Please do not go along with your sister's plan to accept the payoff. It's extortion. If you keep the secret, there is nothing to prevent your father from continuing his adulterous affairs. As difficult as hearing about this from you may be to your mother, if she should find out what's been going on - - and it ALWAYS comes out - - and realize her daughters were aware of it, her pain will be magnified.

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DEAR ABBY: My fiance has a daughter in college. "Kimberly" emails her essays to her father, always saying, "I need you to spell-check, check grammar and fix everything. Then send it back to me."

As a teacher, I have told him this is unethical. His daughter is working for a grade and there are resources available at the university. She has no disability and time is not an issue.

When this happens my blood boils. Am I wrong? Or is it wrong of her to expect Daddy to fix her papers so she can get a good grade? He thinks I'm overreacting. -- NOT FOOLED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NOT FOOLED: Of course you're not wrong. As well-intended as your fiance may be, by correcting his daughter's assignments he's preventing her from learning skills she will need once she graduates. Warning: If you plan to marry this man, be prepared for a future filled with him solving one problem after another for her, because he's not going to change and neither will she. A college girl being this dependent on Daddy isn't healthy.

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DEAR ABBY: How long after you are married can you take a honeymoon? My husband and I dream of going to Venice so we can kiss on the Bridge of Sighs. We've heard if you do that, you'll be in love forever.

We're saving our money, but won't be able to afford to go until after our first anniversary. Is there a rule that a honeymoon must be taken within the first year of marriage? -- LIZA IN ALASKA

DEAR LIZA: There's no such rule that I know of. Because it's your first big trip together as man and wife, call it a "deferred honeymoon" (after all, that's what it is), and you need not apologize for doing so.

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Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

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