Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
Volunteers Strive to Heal Veterans Scarred by War
DEAR ABBY: Large numbers of veterans are returning home with a wide range of psychological difficulties, many struggling with severe physical injuries or traumatic brain injuries. One in 10 soldiers reports mental health problems, while 30 percent of U.S. troops develop serious mental health problems within three to four months of coming home.
Post-traumatic stress is a natural human reaction to horrific experiences. The symptoms of PTSD are greatly reduced if appropriate treatment is provided quickly to those in need. Individuals who suffer from traumatic brain injuries also experience consequences such as anxiety, depression, substance abuse and marital difficulties. And children whose parents suffer from PTSD are more likely to develop symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Give an Hour is a nonprofit organization that has established a national network of more than 5,300 licensed mental health professionals who provide free mental health services to U.S. troops, their families and communities affected by the current military conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq. Each one gives an hour each week to provide free mental health services to military personnel and their families. In addition, these volunteers work to educate the public and the military community to reduce the stigma so often associated with mental health issues.
Give an Hour offers immediate access to services for people who might fail to seek help through the military or Veterans Administration. Parents, siblings, unmarried partners and other loved ones are typically not covered by military insurance. However, they, too, are often adversely affected and can benefit from the professional help our organization offers.
Thank you for helping to spread the word about our services. -- LAUREN ITZKOWITZ, DIRECTOR OF PUBLIC RELATIONS
DEAR LAUREN: I salute your efforts. The service that Give an Hour is offering is vital, and I'm pleased to alert readers that it is available.
Readers, in addition to providing easy and free care for as long as it's needed, this organization is following the example of service embodied by so many of our military men and women. There are providers in all 50 states, Washington, D.C., Guam and Puerto Rico. To find one, log on to � HYPERLINK "http://www.giveanhour.org" �www.giveanhour.org� and use the ZIP code search. If there is no provider in your area, the organization can be contacted at � HYPERLINK "mailto:infor@giveanhour.org" �info@giveanhour.org�, and a provider will be located for you.
DEAR ABBY: My elderly father has been a widower for many years. His neighbor, also his age, recently lost her husband, and they have been spending a lot of time together. He takes her shopping, she cooks for him, etc. My concern is twofold: One, this woman is not in good health, and I can't bear to see Dad heartbroken again when she dies. My second concern is the woman and her husband never even invited Dad over for a cup of coffee after Mom died, but now that she's a widow, she all of a sudden wants to be "neighborly." I'd like to ask her why. Would I be out of line? -- LOOKING OUT FOR MY DAD
DEAR LOOKING OUT: Yes, you would. Your question would likely be regarded as hostile by both your father and the neighbor because that's the way it comes across to me.
While you may feel protective, please recognize that your father is an adult and, presumably, able to take care of himself. At this point in his life he doesn't need you to look out for him. Only if asked should you venture an opinion like the one you have confided to me.
Woman Who Rejects Present Is Not Worth Gifting Again
DEAR ABBY: I was recently invited to a relative's home because my nephew was introducing his fiancee, "Macy," to the family. I asked my nephew what gift Macy might like, and he suggested a sweater and told me her size. I bought her a lovely one -- at least, I thought it was lovely.
After Macy tried it on, I was shocked when she handed it back to me and said she didn't like it. I couldn't exchange or return it because it had been purchased from a store where I live, and this store doesn't have a branch in their state. I took the gift home with me and got a refund. Now I don't know what to do.
Because Macy gave it back to me, does she forfeit the gift? Should I send her the amount of the store refund? Do I owe her anything as a substitute for the gift she refused? She will be a part of our family, and I need to know what to do if this happens again. I'd appreciate your thoughts. --GIFT-CHALLENGED IN IOWA
DEAR GIFT-CHALLENGED: If ever I heard about someone who needs an etiquette book, it's your nephew's fiancee. Make it a thick one, because she appears to be clueless in that department. As to what to do if this happens again -- you can prevent it from happening by not selecting any more gifts for her. A donation in her name to a favorite charity might work if you feel obligated to give her something.
DEAR ABBY: The love of my life, "Adam," is leaving for school in August. He's going to Portland, Ore., to pursue his studies in renewable energy engineering. My passion is nursing. I'm currently finishing up my college requirements and waiting to get into the program. My college credits won't transfer, so if I went with Adam, I'd either have to start over or wait until I got back home to resume.
I'm wary of long-distance relationships, but I don't want to be separated from Adam for two years. We have discussed taking turns flying out to see each other and staying in touch via phone and the Internet. But I still get sad thinking about the time we'll be apart. We are both determined individuals, and in the chaos of life we have managed to find a fairy tale. Everyone has given us their advice about our situation and it hasn't helped. Do you have any words of reassurance for us? -- LOVELORN IN PHOENIX
DEAR LOVELORN: You and Adam appear to be intelligent, focused and mature young people. Although you have built a "fairy tale" together, building a solid future will take some sacrifice on both your parts. Being apart will allow each of you to concentrate fully on your studies. If you love each other, and it appears you do, you will get through the challenge and emerge stronger than ever.
DEAR ABBY: I found out my high school sweetheart has cancer and only a short time to live. I would like to send her flowers and a message -- but without the knowledge of my wife of 43 years. Is this a bad idea? -- OLD FLAME IN ILLINOIS
DEAR OLD FLAME: Frankly, I see no reason why you should sneak around to do it without your wife's knowledge. Tell her word has reached you that the woman is dying, that at the time you knew her she meant a lot to you, and you plan to send her flowers and a message. If your wife is so insecure that she would tell you not to, don't do it. But, please, don't beat around the bush or sneak around. You're all adults, and being secretive is childish.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: It's time to hide the matzo again -- Passover begins at sundown. Happy Passover, everyone!
Newborn Wails While Mom Works Up a Sweat at the Gym
DEAR ABBY: A member of my gym brings her newborn in with her every morning. She sets the carrier down next to her treadmill, puts in her earplugs and runs. The baby usually cries on and off, but today he cried nonstop during my entire 20-minute workout. It drove me crazy.
I'm a mom, too. A crying baby, especially a newborn, is heartbreaking. This woman never stops to see why her little one is crying or to console him. This situation doesn't seem to bother the other gym members. Should I talk to her and risk a hostile response, or speak to the gym manager? -- HEAVY-HEARTED GYM BUNNY IN RIVERVIEW, FLA.
DEAR GYM BUNNY: Talk to the manager. The crying infant may not bother the other gym members, but it bothers you. The woman isn't stopping her workout to see what may be wrong because with her earbuds in she can't hear the child, which doesn't make her a candidate for mother of the year. She's causing a distraction and an inconvenience to you, so speak up.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my high school sweetheart, "Don," for 10 years. I love him dearly. We were very young when we married, and at the time he said he didn't want kids. I didn't give it much thought because back then we weren't ready to start a family. Now, Don still doesn't want kids -- but I do.
He says if children are that important to me, I should leave him and find someone who does want to be a parent. Of course, I don't want just any man's baby. I want his baby.
Don has warned me that if I become pregnant, he'll probably leave. He's planning to have a vasectomy even though I'm against it. I don't know what to do. This is the only problem we have. He won't agree to counseling -- I've already suggested it. I can't picture myself starting over with another man or going my whole life without being a mother. Please help. -- UNFULFILLED IN LOUISVILLE
DEAR UNFULFILLED: Your husband has given you fair warning. Your now have an important choice to make. Because having a child is so important to you, my advice is to start "picturing" yourself with another husband, and do it in enough time that you won't be racing against your biological clock.
DEAR ABBY: My partner has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. As time goes on, I know I will lose him more and more. How do I do this and allow him to keep his dignity? Life comes full circle, and I understand that. I keep trying to dwell in the present and not think too far ahead. I don't know where to turn. How do you start the long goodbye? -- LOST IN PHOENIX
DEAR LOST: The first thing you need to do is contact the Alzheimer's Association. The Alzheimer's Association can guide you on the journey ahead of you and provide a source of emotional support if you join one of its caregiver's groups. The toll-free phone number is (800) 272-3900 and the website is alz.org.
You and your partner should also make certain now that his wishes for end-of-life care are clearly stated in writing, so that when the time comes, they will be respected. Then take each day as it comes, thank God for the good ones, have patience when they are less so, and take good care of yourself because that will be key to ensuring your partner gets the best care possible.