DEAR ABBY: My father went to prison when I was 2 months old. My mother and maternal grandparents made sure I had a relationship with him through phone calls and letters. They told me early on what he did, and I have worked through it.
After 22 years and eight parole hearings, my father has been granted a parole. He will be home with my paternal grandparents in October. I'm happy and excited, but he's trying to make up for lost time. He has a son who wants nothing to do with any of us, so it's all left to me. He said, "Your mother had you for the first 22 holidays. I get the next 22," and he expects me to spend the entire first week he's home at my grandparents' house with him.
I am very close to my mom and younger siblings. I love our holiday traditions and don't want to give any of that up. Furthermore, I'm not comfortable staying at my grandparents' home. I don't know them well, and I don't sleep well in strange places.
I work full-time, go to school and have my own house with my fiance. I think my father wants more than I am ready to give right now. What do I do? -- FEELING ANXIOUS IN MICHIGAN
DEAR ANXIOUS: Your father is starved for family, which is understandable, but he has overlooked the fact that rebuilding a relationship can't be done on a seven-day timetable. What you need to do is tell him that he is demanding more than you are ready, able and comfortable giving -- and you would prefer to get to know him at your own pace. And stand by that, or he may devour you as he tries to make up for all the years he has wasted because of his mistakes. Frankly, I think his demand is presumptuous, and I'm glad you wrote.