DEAR ABBY: My uncle "Paul" died two weeks ago after a long illness. He and his daughter, "Nina," had a difficult relationship, and after an argument eight years ago she cut off all communication with him.
Uncle Paul developed the disease that led to his death after the estrangement. Nina's brothers and other family members begged her to relent many times -- to no avail. It was extremely painful for everyone.
When Nina saw her father's obituary in the newspaper, she decided to attend the funeral. Her brothers and Aunt "Joan" sent a message telling her that her attendance would be hurtful and asking her to stay away. She came anyway -- along with her husband, children, their spouses and babies my uncle -- and Aunt Joan -- had never seen. The rest of the family managed to shield Aunt Joan from them during the service, but Nina's presence was very upsetting.
Am I wrong in thinking she should have stayed away? -- GRIEVING COUSIN IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA
DEAR GRIEVING: Funerals are intended to comfort the living as well as honor the dead. By coming and bringing her entire family after being asked to stay away, Nina did neither and instead poured salt in the wounds. No, you're not wrong and the matter was handled properly -- without creating a scene.