To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: From time to time you print letters about finding "pennies from heaven." Are you ready for another one?
Our daughter is adopting a little boy, and our other daughter was hosting a yard sale to raise money for the airfare to bring the child to this country.
My mother, a widow, had donated my father's racing bike. It was hard for her to let go of it because Dad had won many senior Olympic medals with it.
The bike sold the first day, and I immediately called Mom to tell her the news. Right after I hung up the phone with her, I looked down at the table where my grandsons had been helping me count change. In the middle of a pile of dimes was a penny. When I picked it up, I saw it was a "wheatie." Then I turned it over and couldn't believe my eyes. The date on the penny was 1918, the year my father was born.
Although this may not be your typical "pennies from heaven" story, I truly believe it was a penny from heaven -- a message from Dad that he was glad to contribute to our yard sale and was with us in spirit. -- JACLYN IN BALLWIN, MO.
DEAR JACLYN: And don't ever let anyone try to convince you otherwise.
DEAR ABBY: When I went to my favorite restaurant recently, I noticed that the menu had changed. I asked our server if I could have an entree from the previous menu. She said she loved the dish too, and would ask the chef if he would make it for me. He agreed, and dinner was lovely.
My fiance and I returned to this restaurant last night, and I told him I wanted to order my favorite dish again. He told me that ordering something not on the menu is rude. I don't see it that way. In fact, I would think that it would be regarded as a compliment to the chef because it meant I had enjoyed the way he prepared it for me before. Besides, the chef agreed to do it for me the last time we were there.
Who is right -- my fiance or me? -- CHEF'S SPECIAL FOR ONE
DEAR SPECIAL: Your fiance may have been afraid that ordering something that was not on the menu would be more expensive, and that's why he objected. Also, if the restaurant was extremely busy that night, I could understand why asking for something "special" might be an imposition.
However, since the chef had prepared it for you before, and because restaurants are in the business of selling food, there was nothing "rude" about your request. The next time you call to make reservations, ask in advance if the chef can prepare your special dish for you.
DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day, and I never see the grammar and punctuation errors I typically encounter. Are the letters you publish revised, or are only the most literate and conscientious people moved to write to you? -- ENGLISH TEACHER IN AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR ENGLISH TEACHER: Everyone who writes to me is "conscientious." However, there are some errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation in the letters that cross my desk.
My staff, my syndicate editors and I try to ensure that any errors are corrected before a letter appears in print. To perpetuate the errors by printing them would set a bad example or distract from the question being presented.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Richie," and I have been together three years. Richie watches his pennies, so I was very surprised two days before Valentine's Day to return from a family trip and find a gorgeous vase of professionally arranged flowers and a small heart-shaped box of chocolates on my coffee table.
I was very impressed, surprised and excited. I asked Richie where he got them, and he told me the name of a high-priced florist. I was off work the day before Valentine's Day, so I went out, bought expensive wine and filet mignon and made a fantastic home-cooked meal for him.
When Richie got home from work, I asked him again where he got the flowers, and he again named the florist. I asked if he really went and got them, and if they were really intended for me. (It was just so out of character for him to splurge like that. The arrangement must have cost at least $100.) When he didn't respond, I probed some more. He finally confessed they were from a funeral his parents had attended the day before I got home.
Can you believe Richie was trying to pass off flowers from a complete stranger's funeral as nice flowers he got me for Valentine's Day? He lied to me. Now he says I'm ungrateful and that there's nothing wrong with what he did! I told him he is greedy and cheap, and the thoughtful thing to do with leftover funeral flowers would have been to take them to a cancer ward at a hospital or to a local nursing home.
What do you think? Am I overreacting? I'm afraid this may be a deal-breaker. -- ANN IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICH.
DEAR ANN: You're not overreacting. Your feelings are justified. You now know exactly what kind of things Richie is capable of -- and being generous to make you happy is not on his agenda. Wake up and smell the flowers. You have glimpsed what your future will be like if you marry him. When it comes to making you happy, Richie will always be playing the angles, and you will be shortchanged because he is cheap.
DEAR ABBY: Will you please suggest a response that will end the conversation when someone comments in a negative way on how young I look, and asks what I have done? I'm 69, but look a decade younger.
I grew up plain and poor, but became a successful professional and changed my appearance. I have had hair and makeup lessons, advice on clothing and cosmetic surgery.
I often receive rude comments from both strangers and acquaintances who have chosen to age "naturally." I'm not interested in answering their sly questions about cosmetic surgery, but because I'm usually accosted in social settings, I don't want to be rude. I just want to make them realize that I consider their questions impolite and want them to shut up. Any ideas? -- PRETTY CAN BE BOUGHT, WACO, TEXAS
DEAR PRETTY (Regardless of how you got that way): Has it not occurred to you to be proud of what you have accomplished? You are a successful professional, and you should enjoy it and all of the "perks" that go with it. You may have grown up plain and poor, but you have turned yourself into a "swan." Why are you defensive about it? If you can help another woman by sharing information, it would be the generous thing to do.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Mom Gets Plenty of Support to Kick Sons Out the Door
DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Stressed-Out Mom," the retired woman whose two (employed) sons, ages 22 and 24, live with her for free (Jan. 7), that the only "mistake" she has made was not requiring them to behave like adults before now. Taking responsibility and being accountable are signs of adulthood. Taking advantage of anyone, including Mom, and being a free-loader are signs of immaturity. -- RAISING SONS IN WHARTON, N.J.
DEAR RAISING SONS: My readers overwhelmingly agree the time has come for "Stressed-Out's" "boys" to act like the adults they are and stop behaving like children. If they refuse to cooperate, then it's time for mom to show them the door -- to the real world. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: As you already know, "Stressed-Out's" problem is nothing new to baby boomer parents. We have brought it on ourselves.
We've enjoyed better economic times and freedom than our parents did. Because of this, we have actually encouraged our children to be more materialistic and irresponsible. We haven't helped them develop skills to manage their affairs and become responsible human beings.
If "Stressed-Out" finds it difficult to get her grown sons to pay a minimal sum to ease her financial situation at retirement, she should consider moving to a smaller place, which will be less comfortable for them.
I am preparing my teenage son to become independent and self-sufficient. I'd rather have the stress involved in doing it now than face it later. We parents owe this to our children and society in general. -- INGRID D., OTTAWA, CANADA
DEAR ABBY: I, too, have an adult son who lives with me. I had never asked him to contribute to the household expenses until last year when I became disabled and unable to work. He jumped at the chance to help me. He has assumed many of the day-to-day responsibilities of running the household and contributes half the cost of the mortgage and utilities.
There is nothing wrong with adult children enjoying the benefits of living at home, as long as they appreciate what they've been given and are prepared to give back when it's their turn. -- CHERYL M., DUBLIN, OHIO
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in regard to the two adult males who still live with their mother. She said she had recently retired and her income has dropped by half. Her sons are whining about having to help her pay her bills? Welcome to reality! Those of us who have grown into adults pay bills. We do our part. Their mom has done her job. The time has come for them to quit being spoiled little boys and become men. -- TERRI T., TRENTON, N.J.
DEAR ABBY: I have some advice for that recently retired mom who generously offered her two deadbeat sons the low amount of $30 a week rent. Take out the following in the local paper: "2 rooms for rent. $50 a week each. Home cooking included. Available NOW." Then circle it, cut it out and tape it to the fridge. When the calls start coming, they'll be begging to pay that 30 bucks! -- MIKE R., SANTA MONICA, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: Should an overnight guest in someone's home remake the bed on the day he or she is leaving, or strip off the sheets since they are going to be washed anyway? -- CHECKING OUT IN CANADA
DEAR CHECKING OUT: Because the sheets will have to be laundered before the bed is made up for the next person using it, the sheets should be stripped. But whether your host would prefer to be the one who does it is something only he or she can answer, so that's whom you should ask.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)