For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Voters Urged to Do Homework Before They Go to the Polls
DEAR ABBY: I have been a poll worker for years. I would appreciate it if you would print this important advice to voters:
Before Election Day, voters should check the sample ballot they receive in the mail for their precinct number and the location of their polling place. Polling places can change for a variety of reasons. Often several voting precincts are housed in one location. If a person goes to the wrong location -- perhaps because they have voted there before -- it can take considerable time and effort to direct the person correctly. Nearly all these problems would be avoided if people read the information on the sample ballot and brought it with them on Election Day.
Also, the voting booth is not the place to review and make decisions about the candidates and issues. This should be done in advance (another reason for the sample ballot). The booth is for one purpose: to mark your ballot. It is inconsiderate to occupy the space for an extended period of time, especially near closing time.
Poll workers have an extremely long day, arriving an hour before polls open, and often working for hours more after the polls close. A prepared voter makes a great contribution to making the election process a positive one for all concerned. -- CALIFORNIA POLL WORKER
DEAR POLL WORKER: Thank you for writing. Because the turnout for this year's national election is sure to be one for the record books, your message is a timely one.
Now, allow me to share one of my own: There is usually a shortage of people willing to volunteer as poll workers. For those interested in serving, your county registrar of voters, local election board or its equivalent is the place to sign up. The number is listed in the "Government" section of your local phone book. I was a poll worker years ago, and found the experience was both interesting and fun -- and also a great way to meet practically every other single person in the precinct.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Nick," and I have been married five years. Two years ago, his 18-year-old son molested my 7-year-old daughter. It tore our family apart and we are going through a divorce.
Nick is an alcoholic and an enabler. He paid all his son's bills and even sent him money when he was in jail. My problem is, I still love my husband. However, I know that under the circumstances we would always have problems.
How can I make Nick understand that the drinking and taking care of his son after what he did is what really tore us apart? And how do I move forward? -- TRYING TO MOVE FORWARD
DEAR TRYING: If you haven't been able to make your husband understand what ended the marriage by now, you may never be able to. Until he dries out, nothing will sink in because he won't be able to retain the information.
You must move forward one step at a time with the full understanding that you are doing so in order to protect your little girl from her predatory former stepbrother. No one said it would be easy, but your child is depending on you. Her welfare must come first.
Believe me, I sympathize with you. But you are doing the right thing.
Tourette Syndrome Could Be Cause of Man's Nervous Habits
DEAR ABBY: I am writing regarding the letter from "Sniffled Out in Indiana" (July 18), who complained about the noises her co-worker made throughout the day. True, her co-worker may suffer from an allergy or chronic post-nasal drip, but it is also possible that he has Tourette syndrome. This is a neurological disorder, the symptoms of which can include excessive throat-clearing, sniffling and other vocalizations (verbal tics), as well as eye-blinking, facial-grimacing and shoulder-shrugging (physical tics).
Most people know only the stereotypical Tourette image they see presented on TV shows and in the movies of someone shouting, cursing and thrashing about. The average person usually does not realize that most people with TS suffer from mild symptoms that are often misinterpreted as "annoying habits." This lack of understanding and education about Tourette syndrome on the part of the general public is one of the greatest obstacles for people who have this condition. -- JILL IN TITUSVILLE, N.J.
DEAR JILL: Thank you for educating me -- and, by extension, my readers. You and the other individuals who took the time to write have taught me some things I didn't know. Among them, that the Tourette Syndrome Association is a reliable resource for learning about this often misunderstood subject. Its Web site is www.tsa-usa.org. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My son has Tourette. Any uncontrollable, repetitive sound or movement can be a sign of it. If people ask my son why he does what he is doing or have comments about it, he will explain what it is and that he can't control it.
If a person with Tourette is asked about it, he or she can "stop" it for a while because he or she is concentrating. But once the person's attention is diverted elsewhere -- such as by work or TV -- it can start again.
I hope "Sniffled Out" will help her co-worker. It's possible he does just need tissues and some medicine, but if it's Tourette, he will need her help. It's difficult to be a part of a group when you know you're annoying them. -- OPEN-MINDED IN LAS VEGAS
DEAR ABBY: The fact that her co-worker could suppress his symptoms for a time could mean the person has a form of Tourette syndrome. Tourette syndrome consists of both vocal and motor tics lasting more than six months.
Treatments are available, including medication and cognitive behavioral therapy (among others) that have been shown to be very helpful for some patients. However, other people's acceptance and understanding is perhaps the most important factor in their improvement. -- JOEL P. SUSSMAN, M.D., COLUMBIA, S.C.
DEAR ABBY: You and your readers should know that Tourette syndrome is a protected disability under the Americans With Disabilities Act, and requesting that he "stop it" would be discriminatory. His co-workers may not know about it because he isn't required to disclose his disability to them, nor can his supervisor, if he wishes it to remain confidential. No one should assume that it's a bad habit. Trust me in stating that a Tourette sufferer truly wishes it was, because bad habits can be broken -- tics cannot. -- T.S. MOM IN TEXAS
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Hard Working Freshman Is Adrift in a Sea of Partyers
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Christie," just started her freshman year in college. She's a little overwhelmed and trying to adjust. She is smart, focused and mature.
Christie's biggest problem is it seems that all the other students in her dorm want to do is party. They buy alcohol with fake IDs and sneak it in.
Christie has told the others that she's not a partyer, and has been focusing on her work while her roommate and suitemates drink and miss classes. This makes my daughter not only unhappy, but also feel isolated. I talk to her every day to reassure her that she will find "her" group of friends. Is there anything else I could advise? -- CHRISTIE'S MOM
DEAR MOM: Christie's problem will eventually resolve itself because students who spend their time drinking, partying and cutting class often find themselves kicked out of school. But I'd rather see her do something to help herself in the near term.
Suggest to your daughter that she talk with the resident assistant in her dorm about finding other, more serious students with whom she can room. She should also ask her professors if they know of any study groups she can join.
Christie sounds like a real winner. She should not feel like an oddball for wanting to make the most of her college education.
DEAR ABBY: I was a lonely widow for many years until I met "Carl." We married two years ago, but separated after two weeks.
Afterward, my daughter, "Gail," and her husband, "Don," and their two kids lived with me for 18 months. I was the only one working. Gail helped a little around the house, but Don wouldn't even mow the grass.
During that time I had two heart attacks and an angioplasty. Two weeks before my first heart attack, Gail and I had a terrible fight, and the police were called.
When Carl heard about the heart attack (I sent him a copy of the bill), he called to check on me. Don told him it was "nothing." He said I made it all up, and I was "fine." My doctor said if I hadn't come in during the second heart attack and had the angioplasty, I would not have survived.
A month after the angioplasty, Gail, Don and I had another terrible fight. Gail punched me several times, and I hit her back at least twice. The police made them move out that same night. I don't regret them leaving. They acted like my house belonged to them and I was their slave. I do miss my grandchildren, though.
Carl and I have reconciled, and now we realize that Don went out of his way to create problems between us. I have not spoken to him or my daughter since. My sons, my friends and my neighbors have all told me they are relieved the two of them are gone.
What is your opinion of a 25-year-old daughter who would hit her mother because her mother wanted her own life? -- RELIEVED IN KANSAS
DEAR RELIEVED: Several things occur to me. What you have described is blatant elder abuse. But I wonder where your daughter learned that violence was acceptable behavior. Frankly, I am concerned for her children's safety.
For your own safety, do not allow yourself to be lured into Gail's proximity, because she has already shown she will damage you physically, emotionally and financially. Because you can't fix what's wrong with your daughter, it's important to keep your distance.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: Sundown marks the beginning of Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you -- may your fast be an easy one.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)