For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Common Courtesy Conquers the Perils of the Bike Path
DEAR ABBY: "On Foot in Orlando" (Nov. 23) wrote about being nearly run down by bicycles going too fast, especially when they don't warn that they're approaching. When I'm on my bike, I always slow down and call out "On your left!" to warn the walker that I'm passing.
On the other hand, while I'm riding, I frequently encounter walkers three or four abreast, or pedestrians walking dead center or meandering zigzag down a path. In those cases, I ring my bell, say, "On your left," and slow almost to a complete stop -- only to be totally ignored, leaving me with no alternative but to ride on the grass. Sometimes the three-abreast walkers are coming straight at me and clearly see me, but still won't move over and give me enough space to pass them (something that also happens when I'm walking).
The obvious solution is for walkers and riders to be considerate of one another, recognizing that we share a common road through life. -- CELIA IN MISSOULA, MONT.
DEAR CELIA: I agree with you on that. Good manners can smooth many potentially abrasive situations. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Where I live, there are no bike lanes separate from the walking lanes on the shared path. We are allowed to ride bikes on sidewalks, except on Main Street. I only wish bikers here had bicycle bells, but they don't seem to have ever heard of them, nor do they say "coming through" or "on your left" -- they just come whizzing by. I'm hoping some of them will read this and take pity on walkers. -- WALKER AND BIKER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR ABBY: I am neither a biker nor a walker on a path. A cyclist ringing his bell signaling me to move would do no good, so I guess I'd be one of those ending up with "great bodily harm," as you put it. You see, I'm hard-of-hearing and could not hear that dinging bell behind me.
What if the person ahead of you is deaf? People can't see deafness as a handicap the way they can if somebody has a cane, etc. And, yes, I do wear hearing aids, in case some of your readers are thinking, "Get a hearing aid." Hearing aids help, but they are not a cure-all. (And many elderly people don't hear well either.)
So, bikers, do not totally rely on your bell to signal people to move. If there are pedestrians where you're riding, I urge you to use caution in case somebody might have a hearing impairment. -- HARD-OF-HEARING IN WEST TEXAS
DEAR ABBY: When bicyclists, roller-bladers, joggers, walkers and tricycle riders all share the same path, the general rule is that the slowest person keeps to the right. This allows the roller-bladers and cyclists to pass without causing alarm. Conflict usually arises when a group of people is walking together, taking up most of the walkway and making it impossible for others to pass, or when someone is wearing headphones and is oblivious to other users.
Unfortunately, when people don't observe basic courtesies on shared pathways, everyone becomes frustrated. -- ANN IN BRANFORD, CONN.
DEAR READERS: That's right. Obviously, the rule should be to use caution on shared pathways, whether you are walking or riding -- and instead of taking for granted that you have the right of way, show consideration for others and practice good manners.
Apartment Seeker Ends Up in Married Landlord's Bed
DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle-aged man who has been married for 20 years. I own a duplex in a nice neighborhood. Last week, I put an ad in the paper and a 21-year-old woman came to look at the upstairs apartment. The problem is, I found her attractive and had sex with her downstairs while my wife was not home.
What should I do? -- COULDN'T HELP MYSELF IN NEW YORK
DEAR COULDN'T HELP YOURSELF: While you were checking the woman out, did you also check her references? If the answer is no, you should hasten to your doctor to be checked for every STD known to man and woman, because you not only had unprotected sex with a stranger, but with one who would ALSO have sex with a stranger.
DEAR ABBY: My son, "Larry," has lost his driver's license until the case can go to court. However, he still continues to drive. Larry's wife doesn't want a confrontation with him, but she is worried that if he should get into an accident, he could be arrested. We're all concerned because with his license suspended, his insurance might not cover any accident or ensuing lawsuit, and his family could be bankrupt.
What should his wife do? Hide the keys? Call the police? -- WORRIED MOM, ONTARIO, CANADA
DEAR WORRIED MOM: You have every right to be concerned, and so does Larry's wife. For an adult, your son's behavior is immature and shows extremely poor judgment.
It's too bad that your daughter-in-law is afraid of a confrontation because that is what it may take. You ask if she should hide the keys or call the police. I have another suggestion. If necessary, she should give your son's keys to YOU, to be returned only after his case has been adjudicated.
DEAR ABBY: I have lived in my condo for three years. My across-the-hall neighbors moved in two years ago. To welcome them, I left a bottle of wine, some bread and a floral arrangement outside their door. I received a gracious thank-you note in return. Since then, we have talked in the hall, but socialized only rarely because I travel frequently for business.
I recently married a phenomenal man. He also travels extensively, so he has rarely seen our neighbors. When he moved his belongings into our condo, the neighbors popped over with a bottle of wine (they have a cellar) and a fruit basket. We thanked them profusely, but I handed the bottle of wine back, stating, "We don't drink, but maybe you could open it and think of us when you do."
What I didn't mention to the neighbors is the fact that my husband is a recovering alcoholic, 15 years and counting. Again, thanks were offered and I wrote a thank-you card that very night. While I was writing the card, my husband gently intimated that I may have committed a faux pas by returning the wine. He thinks we should have accepted it to be hospitable, then re-gifted it to someone else. What do you think? -- NO OFFENSE INTENDED IN N.Y.
DEAR NO OFFENSE INTENDED: What's done is done, so don't flog yourself. However, once a gift is received, it belongs to the recipient to do with as he or she wishes. And the "proper" thing to have done would have been to thank them warmly for their thoughtfulness -- and then re-gifted it to someone else.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Public Hero Is Private Abuser of New Wife Who Loves Him
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rick," sometimes hits me and calls me names. It hurts me because he's my life, and I love him to death. When I try to tell friends about it, they don't believe me because Rick is a firefighter. They all say, "I don't think he's like that," and when I tell them he IS like that, they get mad at me.
Rick and I haven't been married long. I love him with all my heart and don't want to leave him, but I just don't know what I should do. Please help me. I am all alone in this, and I need some help. -- WOUNDED IN WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR WOUNDED: There is a name for people -- male and female -- who hit their spouses and call them names. It's ABUSER.
I don't know whether Rick has no conscience or no control. But what you must do, for your own safety, is pick up the phone and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The toll-free number is: (800) 799-7233.
I promise you that once you begin talking, the person on the other end of the line will believe you and will give you a referral to the help you so desperately need. Please do it now, before Rick really injures you, because it's only a matter of time until he does.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 61-year-old man who has been faithful in his 35-year marriage. But I am very unhappy because I am continually hounded by my wife about previous mistakes I have committed. The incidents involved alcohol and smoking, and occurred many years ago. She has never forgiven me and brings up the subject frequently.
My wife has withdrawn sex from me for 20 years because of her jealousy about my love for my mother. (Mom died in 1994.)
I am so alone, but my wife will not seek counseling. If someone would just hug me. I feel like I'm huddled in a corner and ... FREEZING TO DEATH IN KANSAS
DEAR FREEZING TO DEATH: A sentence should fit the crime, and after 35 years you have been punished enough. Because your wife refuses to seek counseling to heal this fractured marriage doesn't mean that you shouldn't talk to a counselor. It's something you should have done years ago.
If you are reluctant to do it for yourself, then do it for your wife. You're not the only partner in this relationship who is huddled in a corner freezing. So is she, even if it's by her own choice.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old college student. My problem is, I have no credit. My family was always adamant about my not getting a credit card because they were afraid I'd go overboard. However, I'm always careful with my money.
My worry now is that I won't be able to buy a home in the future because I won't be able to get a loan due to lack of credit. How does a person go about getting credit? -- CREDITLESS IN THE USA
DEAR CREDITLESS: Do you have a bank account? If so, contact your bank and inquire about applying for a credit card. In the beginning, your credit limit will be low. However, as you pay your bills on time, your credit limit will rise. This is how a person establishes credit.
If you have full-time employment, do not default on your bills and deposit money into your savings account on a regular basis, in time I am sure your bank will be willing to help you finance a home.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
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