For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Boy Kept in Dresses and Curls Still Grows Up to Be a Man
DEAR ABBY: This is for "Jack's Grandpa" (April 2), whose wife is afraid wearing pink will cause their baby grandson to turn into a cross-dresser. Relax! My aunt desperately wanted a baby girl, but to her disappointment, she had a baby boy. She kept that kid in frilly dresses with ruffles and his hair long and in curls until he was 4!
He grew up to be a fine young man. He did his service in Vietnam, married and raised a family. Of course, the rest of the family accepted his mother's "eccentricities," and no one ridiculed or poked fun at him. If a pink blanket is the worst thing that kid ever has to contend with in his life, they should all be grateful. -- CATHIE H. IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CATHIE: I agree -- as did many readers who responded to that letter. Perhaps the experiences they shared will "color" Grandpa's view on the subject. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: You might be interested to know that pink didn't start out as a "feminine" color. In the Middle Ages, the color red was for men because it represented strength, war, fire and blood. The color blue was for women back then. (Blue represented harmony, peace, sky and water.)
When fabric was being dyed, the strongest color came out in the first bath. Paler colors followed with subsequent baths. Back then, men's clothing was made of pale red (pink) fabric. Nobody grew up "confused" in those days. -- TONAWANDA READER
DEAR ABBY: I had to smile at the letter from the grandparent of the baby boy whose daughter thought she was having a girl and received a lot of pink outfits. When my precious son was born, we weren't very well off financially, and I received many hand-me-downs from his two older girl cousins. All that mother needs to do is throw all the clothes in the washer with some blue dye. Then everything will come out blue or purple. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT
DEAR ABBY: All a baby is concerned about is having a full tummy, a clean diaper and something interesting to do when he's awake. Pink for girls and blue for boys is not some kind of biological imperative.
In the 19th and 20th centuries, baby clothes were all white. If they had any color trimming, pink was used for boys and blue for girls. The Ladies Home Journal in 1918 said: "There has been a great diversity of opinion on the subject, but the general accepted rule is pink for the boy and blue for the girl. Pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." -- K.B., SALEM, ORE.
DEAR ABBY: I had a good laugh when I read the letter from "Jack's Grandpa." I have a daughter who is 3 years older than my son. When my son was a toddler, he worshipped his big sister and did whatever she told him. I will never forget my father coming to the house and my son answering the door in a big pink straw hat, Barbie high heels, a mini skirt and a hot pink feather boa. Dad had only daughters, and my son was the only grandson. Dad just about had a stroke when he saw my son. He thought the boy was corrupted forever.
My son is now 10, and he's all boy -- a straight-A student who plays sports year-round. He gets into scuffles at school and eats lunch in the principal's office once or twice a year. Please tell "Jack's Grandpa" not to worry. Clothes don't make the man -- his parents do. -- MICHELLE, NORTH ROYALTON, OHIO
DEAR ABBY: When my husband came home from work this evening, he told me a horrifying story. He said that he and some of his co-workers were out on a job, and from their truck they witnessed a woman in a wheelchair topple. They waited for the stoplight to turn green and immediately made their way to her side as quickly as they could.
What was upsetting was that nearly 20 pedestrians walked right by without offering to help her. Abby, they didn't even look twice! The woman was extremely embarrassed to have been on the ground so long and was overjoyed when my husband and his co-workers helped her.
I cannot believe that no one stopped to help. What is happening to this world? -- HORRIFIED IN DOVER, DEL.
DEAR HORRIFIED: There are still many caring and compassionate people in this world. As to what happened on that street in Dover that day, I will leave it up to the good citizens of that city to consider. Perhaps everyone who passed thought the person walking behind them would take the time to help. Of course, that's no excuse. How sad -- not only for the woman with the disability but also for those who walked by.
DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Dustin," has finally decided to marry his live-in girlfriend of four years, "Cameron." They are now planning their wedding, which will take place in four months.
My mother has just informed me that Dustin and Cameron have decided that their wedding will be "adults only" except for Dustin's son. (The boy is 8.) Abby, my brother didn't even have the courage to call me up and inform me of this.
I feel that since it will be an informal, small family event -- fewer than 20 people -- my two children should be allowed to attend. (They are 8 and 3.) Am I being unreasonable? I feel if there is a "no kids" rule, then there should be no kids -- period.
My husband has refused to attend unless our children are included. Should I go alone or not attend? -- FURIOUS IN VANCOUVER, WASH.
DEAR FURIOUS: The problem with getting messages via "Mother Central" is that they can be incomplete or garbled. Pick up the phone, call your brother and ask him about this. It is possible that your nephew is not going to be a "guest" at the wedding, but rather a member of the wedding party. Whatever answer you are given, respect it. Your husband can do as he wishes, but do not boycott the wedding to punish your brother. You could regret it later.
DEAR ABBY: There is a boy I am dating, and I really like him. But I'm scared to kiss him. I'm a person who acts like she knows everything, but the truth is I don't really know how to kiss. Now, I know this sounds weird, but I'm only 12.
I wrote to you 'cause I need to trust someone, and I hope that person is you. Just so you know, so far you are the only 1 I can trust 4 now or 4-ever. Please answer soon! -- "TINA" IN TUCSON
DEAR "TINA": Thank U 4 the compliment. Please try not to obsess about not knowing how to kiss. I promise it will happen naturally, when the time is right. The boy you are dating is probably wondering how to kiss you, so hold off and let him make the first move. Then close your eyes, purse your lips and keep both feet on the ground.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My thanks to "Lauren in Cave Creek, Ariz." (March 19) for raising the subject of concert etiquette. It's one of those awkward subjects because everyone knows there is a proper way to do it, but no one knows what the proper way is.
When attending a concert, look carefully at your program. Often it will indicate where to clap. If not, determine how the musical pieces are arranged. Are they in sets of two or three pieces? If so, clap after the set is completed, NOT after each individual piece. The pieces in a set were arranged to flow one into the other. Clapping breaks the flow and mood the composer was trying to convey.
And while we're on the subject of concert manners: As a musician and music teacher, I attend many concerts every year, and I'm appalled at the number of people who talk in the middle of a musical number. Whispering to your neighbor between pieces is fine, but talking during a musical number at a concert or dance recital (or during an act of a play or musical) is a big no-no! Please get the word out, Abby. This is something everyone should know. -- MS. "D" IN GARLAND, TEXAS
DEAR MS. "D": I hope my readers will take note of your informed advice. Lauren's letter caused a flurry of comments from folks connected with the arts. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I'm a stage manager, the person who sits in the booth and cues lights, actors, scenery, etc. Part of my job is to do a report each night that is sent to the members of the production team, and gauging audience response is part of that report.
One of the wonderful things about art is that it provokes emotion and/or a response. This is vital to the performers on stage, as they feed on the energy that the audience puts forth. An audience that is unresponsive or repressed (referred to as "dead") is much harder to play for. Clapping in the middle of a piece is acceptable if it's to recognize something particular, such as a stylistic move or a soloist.
Performers are usually trained professionals. When applause comes in the middle of a piece, the performers often anticipate it because there is an audience "energy" that precedes it. Unnatural things such as cell phones (even when they vibrate), rustling candy wrappers and cameras are infinitely more distracting and do far more to interrupt a performance. So I say, as long as the clapping is respectful and honest, please clap! I hope this view from the "other side of the curtain" is helpful. -- S.M.P. in WINOOSKI, VT.
DEAR ABBY: As an actor, director and frequent audience member, I can assure "Lauren" that applause is expected after songs in a musical, but not appreciated in the middle of dramatic plays. One more thing: If it's a comedy, please laugh if you think something is funny. Good actors are prepared to deal with laughs whenever they come. -- DOROTHEA IN EL SOBRANTE, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: At jazz performances, it's traditional to applaud after each featured soloist, as well as at the end of the piece. -- VOICE MAJOR, JACKSON, MICH.
DEAR ABBY: Mozart, in a letter to his father, reported that at the premiere of his "Paris" symphony, the audience actually applauded in the middle of the last movement. Was young Wolfgang offended? Not in the least! He wrote that he was so happy he recited a rosary on the spot! -- MAX R., VIOLINIST, CHICAGO SYMPHONY
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)