For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: When my husband came home from work this evening, he told me a horrifying story. He said that he and some of his co-workers were out on a job, and from their truck they witnessed a woman in a wheelchair topple. They waited for the stoplight to turn green and immediately made their way to her side as quickly as they could.
What was upsetting was that nearly 20 pedestrians walked right by without offering to help her. Abby, they didn't even look twice! The woman was extremely embarrassed to have been on the ground so long and was overjoyed when my husband and his co-workers helped her.
I cannot believe that no one stopped to help. What is happening to this world? -- HORRIFIED IN DOVER, DEL.
DEAR HORRIFIED: There are still many caring and compassionate people in this world. As to what happened on that street in Dover that day, I will leave it up to the good citizens of that city to consider. Perhaps everyone who passed thought the person walking behind them would take the time to help. Of course, that's no excuse. How sad -- not only for the woman with the disability but also for those who walked by.
DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Dustin," has finally decided to marry his live-in girlfriend of four years, "Cameron." They are now planning their wedding, which will take place in four months.
My mother has just informed me that Dustin and Cameron have decided that their wedding will be "adults only" except for Dustin's son. (The boy is 8.) Abby, my brother didn't even have the courage to call me up and inform me of this.
I feel that since it will be an informal, small family event -- fewer than 20 people -- my two children should be allowed to attend. (They are 8 and 3.) Am I being unreasonable? I feel if there is a "no kids" rule, then there should be no kids -- period.
My husband has refused to attend unless our children are included. Should I go alone or not attend? -- FURIOUS IN VANCOUVER, WASH.
DEAR FURIOUS: The problem with getting messages via "Mother Central" is that they can be incomplete or garbled. Pick up the phone, call your brother and ask him about this. It is possible that your nephew is not going to be a "guest" at the wedding, but rather a member of the wedding party. Whatever answer you are given, respect it. Your husband can do as he wishes, but do not boycott the wedding to punish your brother. You could regret it later.
DEAR ABBY: There is a boy I am dating, and I really like him. But I'm scared to kiss him. I'm a person who acts like she knows everything, but the truth is I don't really know how to kiss. Now, I know this sounds weird, but I'm only 12.
I wrote to you 'cause I need to trust someone, and I hope that person is you. Just so you know, so far you are the only 1 I can trust 4 now or 4-ever. Please answer soon! -- "TINA" IN TUCSON
DEAR "TINA": Thank U 4 the compliment. Please try not to obsess about not knowing how to kiss. I promise it will happen naturally, when the time is right. The boy you are dating is probably wondering how to kiss you, so hold off and let him make the first move. Then close your eyes, purse your lips and keep both feet on the ground.
DEAR ABBY: My thanks to "Lauren in Cave Creek, Ariz." (March 19) for raising the subject of concert etiquette. It's one of those awkward subjects because everyone knows there is a proper way to do it, but no one knows what the proper way is.
When attending a concert, look carefully at your program. Often it will indicate where to clap. If not, determine how the musical pieces are arranged. Are they in sets of two or three pieces? If so, clap after the set is completed, NOT after each individual piece. The pieces in a set were arranged to flow one into the other. Clapping breaks the flow and mood the composer was trying to convey.
And while we're on the subject of concert manners: As a musician and music teacher, I attend many concerts every year, and I'm appalled at the number of people who talk in the middle of a musical number. Whispering to your neighbor between pieces is fine, but talking during a musical number at a concert or dance recital (or during an act of a play or musical) is a big no-no! Please get the word out, Abby. This is something everyone should know. -- MS. "D" IN GARLAND, TEXAS
DEAR MS. "D": I hope my readers will take note of your informed advice. Lauren's letter caused a flurry of comments from folks connected with the arts. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I'm a stage manager, the person who sits in the booth and cues lights, actors, scenery, etc. Part of my job is to do a report each night that is sent to the members of the production team, and gauging audience response is part of that report.
One of the wonderful things about art is that it provokes emotion and/or a response. This is vital to the performers on stage, as they feed on the energy that the audience puts forth. An audience that is unresponsive or repressed (referred to as "dead") is much harder to play for. Clapping in the middle of a piece is acceptable if it's to recognize something particular, such as a stylistic move or a soloist.
Performers are usually trained professionals. When applause comes in the middle of a piece, the performers often anticipate it because there is an audience "energy" that precedes it. Unnatural things such as cell phones (even when they vibrate), rustling candy wrappers and cameras are infinitely more distracting and do far more to interrupt a performance. So I say, as long as the clapping is respectful and honest, please clap! I hope this view from the "other side of the curtain" is helpful. -- S.M.P. in WINOOSKI, VT.
DEAR ABBY: As an actor, director and frequent audience member, I can assure "Lauren" that applause is expected after songs in a musical, but not appreciated in the middle of dramatic plays. One more thing: If it's a comedy, please laugh if you think something is funny. Good actors are prepared to deal with laughs whenever they come. -- DOROTHEA IN EL SOBRANTE, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: At jazz performances, it's traditional to applaud after each featured soloist, as well as at the end of the piece. -- VOICE MAJOR, JACKSON, MICH.
DEAR ABBY: Mozart, in a letter to his father, reported that at the premiere of his "Paris" symphony, the audience actually applauded in the middle of the last movement. Was young Wolfgang offended? Not in the least! He wrote that he was so happy he recited a rosary on the spot! -- MAX R., VIOLINIST, CHICAGO SYMPHONY
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Man Who Catches Woman's Fancy Is Slow on the Uptake
DEAR ABBY: What is the inside secret to men? I'm a 25-year-old, attractive woman, and I'm confused. There's this guy I'm interested in, and although I believe he's flirting with me, I still have no number or date. (This guy is single.)
In the modern world we live in, do guys really want the female to make the first move? Or should I stick to the traditional rules and wait? -- JILL IN PERTH AMBOY, N.J.
DEAR JILL: There is no "secret" to men. And it's not uncommon for women to suggest going out these days. I have certainly never heard a man complain to be asked!
The person you have described may be shy, he may be involved with someone, or he may just be a flirt. The surest way to find out would be to suggest going out and see how he reacts.
DEAR ABBY: My youngest son was married in Las Vegas five weeks ago. We told him and his wife that we'd have the wedding reception at our home, and we're planning to do so.
At this same time, my husband and I have bought a new home, and we'd like to share it with our friends as well. We would like to do both on the same day.
I want to convey to our guests that no gifts are expected for the reception, as many do not know my son, and at our age, no housewarming gift is needed either. How do I tactfully let them know this, and is it all right to do both parties on the same day and make it casual with outside eating? -- PROUD MOM IN HOUSTON
DEAR PROUD MOM: The polite way to discourage gifts would be to tell your prospective guests verbally -- not on an invitation -- that "the gift of their presence is all that you need," for the reason that you stated.
However, I recommend that you rethink having a combination housewarming and wedding reception for your son and his wife. A celebration of their special day should not be in conjunction with a housewarming where people your son has never met would be in attendance. This is an occasion that should be celebrated with THEIR friends and family.
DEAR ABBY: I work in a nursing and rehabilitation center as a certified nursing aide. There are a few wives who come in at every meal to assist their spouses with eating, so we see and talk to them often. We don't get "close" with them, but I think all of the staff considers them more than just visitors.
Recently one of the residents whose wife always came in passed away. What is the proper thing to say or do in a situation like this? I wanted to give her a hug and tell her I was sorry for her loss. But I know when I'm upset, a hug only makes me feel worse. -- RACHELLE IN PORT HURON, MICH.
DEAR RACHELLE: Write the widow a short condolence note, telling her what a caring wife she was and what a difference she made in her husband's life during his illness. Tell her you are sorry for her loss, that she will be missed at the rehabilitation center, and that you hope the rest of her life will be a healthy and happy one. I am sure it would mean the world to her.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)