To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Accountant Counts the Ways to Help Out During Tax Time
DEAR ABBY: I am an accountant. Now that tax season is again in full swing, several staff members from our office have compiled a list of "considerations" for Dear Abby readers in compiling their tax returns:
(1) Do not just "drop in" to leave your tax records. Even if we don't have an office full of clients waiting to be seen (and sometimes we do), we are probably knee-deep in preparing someone else's return. Being distracted from our work for a visit can be very disruptive.
(2) Because we see you only once a year, many clients feel the need to share how their children are doing. We try to be polite and listen. But if you spend up to an hour sharing how wonderful/smart -- or even worthless -- your children are, we'll be trading daylight for darkness trying to catch up. Multiply that by how many clients come through our doors, and it's overwhelming.
(3) Please pay your accountant in a timely fashion. I wish I had a nickel for every client who told me he/she thought his/her spouse had already written the check. However, it has never once occurred that both actually paid the bill. It may seem like we're rolling in money during tax season, but when the deadline rolls around, we have taxes to pay, too.
(4) Please do not call your accountant and ask a question for your neighbor's second cousin or anyone else other than yourself. This work is our livelihood, and giving advice for someone else often entails research, but it is not billable time for our firm.
(5) And last, if you call your accountant requesting information about the tax consequences of a decision you are trying to make, please do not have a fit when you receive a bill for the time spent doing this research. Many times we have spent a lot of time researching real estate transactions, etc. along with current tax laws to determine how a sale might cause increased tax liability for clients, and they are shocked to receive a statement for this time. -- SLEEPLESS IN TEXAS
DEAR SLEEPLESS: I'll bet most people don't recognize how any of the points you mentioned could possibly be an inconvenience, but I'm sure it happens every tax season. In case anyone has forgotten, accountants and tax preparers are human beings who need care, feeding and consideration. They're not robots with endless energy. So, when you go, be aware that this is one of their most pressured times of the year, and be as organized, prepared and businesslike as possible. Your accountant may love you, but it ain't a social call.
DEAR ABBY: My son is being married in September. It is a first marriage for both him and his fiancee. They are professionals and already have most everything they need to begin their life together.
Would it be appropriate to say they are registered at a bank or credit union rather than local retailers? Help with a down payment for their first home would be far more useful to them than three toasters. -- GROOM'S MOTHER IN OGDEN, UTAH
DEAR MOTHER: If you are planning to include that request with the wedding invitations, the answer is no. However, if you are asked specifically what the young couple needs or would like to have, then it is socially acceptable to respond in the way that you would like.
LONGTIME AFFAIR APPEARS SET TO LAST FOR LONG TIME TO COME
DEAR ABBY: I'm married; he's married. We're in love and have been for eight years. We've tried breaking it off several times over the years, but a force bigger than both of us keeps bringing us back together.
I never believed in soulmates or true love until we met. Our love is deep and unconditional; our roots are intertwined. It's a shame that it happened late in life, but it happened nonetheless.
Neither of us is leaving our spouses or family. We are both in our 50s and sometimes act like we're in our 20s. It's magical!
Is it wrong? Do we go on until something changes? Do we try for the 100th time to break away? An affair, no matter how you slice it, will never be accepted in the eyes of traditional society, so it will be perceived as unacceptable. What's your opinion? -- BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED IN NEW YORK
DEAR BB&B: Yes, it's wrong. Yes, you'll probably "go on" until one or both of you gets caught. And yes, you may try to break away -- but somehow I doubt the effort would be completely sincere.
What keeps the torch burning is the excitement of the "forbidden." Legitimizing the relationship would lower the temperature because few people can sustain that level of intensity without eventually burning out.
Your conclusion, however, is a valid one. There is no such thing as a "harmless" affair. What you are doing IS unacceptable and, sadly, when it is discovered, innocent people will be hurt.
DEAR ABBY: I just threw a birthday party for my 8-year-old daughter and invited friends from her class. All the kids were 7 or 8 years old. The party was held at a gymnastics place where there were trampolines, balance beams, etc.
My problem was one mom and dad who dropped off their 8-year-old daughter. When I turned around they had vanished, leaving their 3-year-old daughter, "Holly," for me to take care of.
When the mom returned later to pick up her kids, I told her that Holly had had a really tough time. She had cried constantly because she couldn't do what the older kids were doing, and was, quite honestly, a handful.
The mother offered no explanation or apology, other than to shrug and say that Holly would have cried if they had tried to take her out of there.
Abby, please advise parents of kids who have younger siblings to leave the little ones at home. Not every situation is safe or appropriate for children of all ages, and it puts a huge responsibility on the birthday child's parents to have to baby-sit rather than enjoy the festivities. -- BIRTHDAY BABY SITTER, ACTON, MASS.
DEAR BABY SITTER: Holly's parents did not dump their little girl on you because she would have cried if they had taken her with them. They did it because they are self-centered, had something they preferred to do rather than supervise their 3-year-old, and were too cheap to arrange for a sitter. They were lucky that you were conscientious enough that, in addition to your hosting duties, you were able to prevent their child from injuring herself.
I would say shame on them, but they don't appear to have any.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Kids' First Names Are Not Always First to Be Used
DEAR ABBY: I work in a public library, where I deal with a lot of children and process many library card applications. I have a question for today's parents and was wondering if your readers would respond.
Why do so many parents give their children first names they don't like to be used? At least once a week, I run into a parent who, when I call her child "Mary," will get angry and snap, "We don't call her that!" and order me to call the child by his or her middle name or some completely different name. I mean, if you don't like the name or don't want your kid to be called that, why give them that name?
I understand with older kids it can be a matter of choice, or with "Juniors" and others, it's a way to distinguish a father from a son. But this happens too often, and I dislike being snapped at because I called their son or daughter by his or her first name. So why is it such a common practice? -- CONFUZZLED IN FLORIDA
DEAR CONFUZZLED: I'm sure my readers will gladly chime in, but I have a hunch that many of them will tell you that their children were named to honor deceased parents, grandparents or other relatives despite the fact that those names may no longer be in "vogue." And that's why their child is called by a middle name or nickname.
However, the parents you describe are rude and abusive. Rather than snapping at you, they should have their children's library cards issued in the name the child uses.
DEAR ABBY: Twelve years ago, when I was in high school, I made friends with a girl who had just come from Europe. (I'll call her Cheri.) We became close friends and did the usual high school things together.
I was the first of our group to be married and asked Cheri and several other girlfriends to be my bridesmaids. All went nicely. I soon had a baby, and I asked Cheri to be the godmother to my daughter, which she accepted.
A year later, Cheri became engaged and asked me to stand up for her at her wedding. By that time I had two little ones, my husband was earning an hourly wage and money was tight. I leveled with her and told her I didn't have the money to buy a bridesmaid's dress. Cheri was hurt and asked her sister to do the honors. I wasn't even invited to the wedding.
Now I'm thinking about the friendship we once had, and I miss it. Was I wrong to be truthful about my money situation, or should I have gone into debt to buy the necessary bridesmaid's apparel? -- WONDERING IN OHIO
DEAR WONDERING: You did the right thing in telling your friend the truth that buying the bridesmaid's dress was beyond your means. Considering the circumstances, it would have been foolish to go into debt. I can understand Cheri's disappointment, but she reacted like a spoiled child. ("If you don't do what I want, you can't come to my party!")
Because you miss her, give her a call and see if she has grown up by now.
DEAR ABBY: I have a 4-year-old sister who drinks a lot of beer. My dad lets her drink it. What should I do? -- BIG SISTER IN SANTA MARIA, CALIF.
DEAR BIG SISTER: You appear to have more common sense than your father, who apparently does not realize that when children drink alcohol they can more easily become dependent upon it than adults. Because your father is not likely to stop if you tell him that giving liquor to a child is wrong, you should tell a trusted teacher at school what you have told me. The teacher can see to it that your father recognizes the error of his ways.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)