Dear Abby

Woman's Gender Change Shocks the Man She Dated

DEAR ABBY: I recently met a gorgeous woman I'll call "Giselle." After we had dated for a couple of months and became physically involved, she told me she had had gender reassignment surgery and used to be a man! I was, to say the least, shocked and deeply disturbed.

I did not punch out Giselle as I would have liked to -- which brings me to my question. What is the etiquette regarding physically confronting someone like that? Is it the same as hitting a girl? We're roughly the same size. -- DISTRESSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DISTRESSED: Because Giselle is now a female, it would, indeed, have been the same as hitting a girl, and I'm glad you restrained yourself. I have a feeling that she was probably more hurt that you stopped seeing her than any physical blow you might have inflicted. As to the "etiquette" regarding hitting her, if you hit someone of either gender, it is assault and battery -- or possibly worse -- and it's a crime that can land you in jail. Be glad you controlled your temper.

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DEAR ABBY: My wife, to whom I was happily married for 20 years, has become infatuated and besotted with a certain North American poet, songwriter and entertainer. She talks about him constantly and sings his songs morning, noon and night. Every conversation somehow involves him. She listens exclusively to his music both in the car and at home, and constantly remarks how sexy, attractive and "brilliant" he is. She openly tells me she would have sex with him in a moment. She uses his picture as a screen-saver on her computer at work and is constantly surfing for information about him.

At first, I tried joking about it, then became somewhat angry, and have now given up and stopped objecting. I feel this man has taken over my marriage. My wife says she loves me and adores me, and that I'm being silly, immature and jealous and have to get over it. Please help. -- LOUIS IN HOLLYWOOD, FLA.

DEAR LOUIS: You may be jealous, but the person who is acting silly and immature is your wife. It is one thing to enjoy, admire and be curious about an entertainer. But your wife appears to have become so fixated on this man that she has emotionally abandoned you. Her crack about "having sex with him in a moment" if she got the chance was uncalled for. As far as I'm concerned, your feelings are valid, and she has some fences to mend.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl who fell in love with a 19-year-old guy. I care about him very much -- in fact, I love him. He said he cares about me, too, but doesn't want a relationship. I can understand that, but sometimes I feel as if he used me for his own needs. He's not the type of guy who does that, but it crosses my mind.

Now he has moved three states away, leaving me here to rot alone. Should I tell him how I feel, so maybe he will come back? Or do I move on and not find out what I mean to him? -- LOST IN MISSOURI

DEAR LOST: Tell the young man how you feel, but if he doesn't give you the answer you're looking for, please be fully prepared to move on. It would be a mistake to sit around waiting for the person you "think" might be Mr. Right when the REAL Mr. Right could be right in front of you.

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