Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I never thought I would write to you, but several months ago my wife learned that a DJ at the local radio station was an old high school acquaintance. After swapping several e-mails, the man tried to seduce my wife. He didn't do it in a way that could get him into trouble, but his intentions were very clear.

My wife called him and blasted him, telling him she has been happily married for 16 years.

This DJ works for my wife's favorite radio station, and every time she listens to this station a little bit of my heart breaks because she knows how I feel about this incident. Should I ask her to stop listening to this station -- thereby punishing my wife, who is entirely innocent in this matter -- or keep my mouth shut and hope the hurting will someday stop? Any advice you can offer will be appreciated, as I have been troubled by this for some time. -- ACHY-BREAKY HEART IN MAINE

DEAR ACHY-BREAKY: I'm sorry you were hurt by the lechery of that presumptuous DJ, but please understand that this had nothing to do with you. Your wife discouraged his advances. The fact that she likes the programming on that particular station doesn't mean she's attracted to the disc jockey. At this point, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. You won. He's the loser. Forget about it.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been through a lot this past year. We found out my stepson, "Tim," was molesting young children. Three of his victims are close family members. Our entire family has been through some traumatic times trying to deal with this. Tim is currently in a foster home for young adults. He wants to come home and for everyone to forgive him.

As you might expect, my husband is taking this extremely hard. He also wants his son home. I gave him an ultimatum. If Tim comes home, I will leave him. Was that wrong? That boy literally destroyed my family.

I do want Tim to get help, but he has been cheating the system and not taking the treatment in his hurry to get back here. Also, he has lied about other victims. Is there hope? - - NEEDING ANSWERS IN UTAH

DEAR NEEDING ANSWERS: My heart goes out to your husband. It is understandable that he would want his son to come home. However, you were right to give him the ultimatum -- especially if you have children in the household -- and if necessary you should follow through. Your stepson is a predator, and no young child is safe around him. He needs supervision and therapy. The fact that he has not been honest with the people who are trying to help him indicates that he needs to be exactly where he is.

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DEAR ABBY: When I learned that my 16-year-old son and his friends were high on marijuana at school, I reported them all to the administration. As a result, they were suspended from school for eight days. His friends' parents are furious with me, and now I am beginning to question whether I did the right thing.

My friends tell me I was right to do what I did. My son said I should have left his friends out of it. Apparently their smoking has been ongoing, and I do not believe it would have stopped unless they faced disciplinary action. By the way, I am a middle school teacher. What do you think? -- SECOND-GUESSING MYSELF IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SECOND-GUESSING: While I don't approve of minors getting high on anything, your solution was needlessly Draconian. Your son's friends' parents are angry because you did not consult them before reporting their children and allow them the option of handling the matter themselves. Frankly, I see their point. I think you jumped the gun, and you owe them an apology.

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Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

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