To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DAD FEELS HE'S DROWNING IN DAUGHTER'S DIRTY CLOTHES
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I both have professional jobs and share housework. I do all the laundry, she does all the cooking, and we share the cleaning. That's not the problem. The problem is our 7-year-old daughter "Vanessa's" habit of changing clothes whenever she feels the urge.
My logic says that by the end of the week, Vanessa should have seven dirty outfits -– one or two outfits of deviation is acceptable to me. However, that's not the case. Every week, it seems like I wash Vanessa's entire wardrobe! My wife says, "That's what little girls do."
Abby, I was raised with three brothers and my wife was raised with three sisters, so she has more experience than I do. Experience aside, I feel Vanessa needs to be talked to about not changing so often –- or at least putting an outfit back in the drawer if it has only been worn an hour or two. Help! –- LORD OF THE LAUNDRY, ROCHESTER, N.Y.
DEAR LORD OF THE LAUNDRY: Glad to. At 7, your royal child is old enough to have responsibilities of her own in your castle. It's time she started helping you in the laundering department. Once Vanessa realizes that her clean clothes are a result of someone's effort and do not magically appear in her bureau, she may be more cooperative.
DEAR ABBY: A few days ago, "Deanna," my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years, told me she wanted to break up. Then we got into a serious fight and I lost my temper big time. I never hit her, but I did throw some things. She got really scared because I used to black out when I got that mad. It's the first time in three years that I was ever that mad.
Deanna went to stay with her mom because she said she was afraid of me. We have since talked a little, and she says she still cares about me. We both said a lot of things we didn't mean, and I don't know how to explain myself.
I have since started seeing a counselor to control my temper. But Deanna is giving me mixed signals about what she wants. This is making me severely depressed and I don't know what to do. Can you please help me? I love her more than anything in the world. -- DEEPLY DEPRESSED IN OHIO
DEAR DEEPLY DEPRESSED: It's an intelligent person who recognizes that he has a problem and takes steps to do something about it. I commend you for getting professional help.
It is possible for two people who love each other to bring out the worst in each other rather than the best. When a longtime girlfriend says she wants to break up, and then follows it up by saying she "cares about you" rather than loves you, the romance is usually over.
Before trying to pursue this woman any further, you should discuss the entire situation with your counselor.
DEAR ABBY: The man I was engaged to for one year died suddenly. I'm wondering if it's OK to continue wearing my engagement ring. If so, for how long? -- GRIEVING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. Although your engagement is over, you may continue to wear the ring as long as you wish. When you are ready to date again, either wear the ring on your right hand or have the stone reset into another piece of jewelry.
DEAR ABBY: The letter about the grandmother who was angry because her grandson Adam didn't bring her a souvenir T-shirt when he came home on leave from Iraq left me stunned. I can't believe a so-called adult would act that way. This young man is putting his life on the line for his country, and all she can think about is whether he brought her a souvenir?
Please give that woman a message for me: "Grandma, you DID get something. You got two weeks with your grandson, and you messed it up with your immaturity! Grow up and get a life!"
Thanks for reading this, Abby. I'm sure you got a lot of responses to that letter. -– NICOLE IN GRAYSON, GA.
DEAR NICOLE: I certainly did. That letter made a lot of readers see red, and I was flooded with mail. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: When my nephew was serving as a Marine in Iraq, I wrote him every week. I didn't expect to get any letters back, and didn't care if he never acknowledged the packages we sent. (He did send two letters, for which I am exceedingly grateful.) All I cared about was my nephew's safe return home.
Ironically, the same edition of the newspaper that featured the letter about that grandmother also featured my nephew's photo on the front page. He was killed by enemy fire in a town far away from his beloved Vermont.
That greedy woman obviously has no clue what those soldiers are experiencing. They need understanding and supportive family members. They need love without strings.
To the grandmother who thought a T-shirt was more important than her grandson, I would say, "You deserve a T-shirt that reads, 'I am a SELFISH MORON!'" -– and pray that no folded flag "souvenir" ever graces that young man's home. –- PROUD, GRIEVING AUNT IN VERMONT
DEAR AUNT: Amen. Please accept my profound sympathy for your family's loss.
DEAR ABBY: A tendency to become angry over nothing can be a sign of the onset of dementia. There can be no other excuse for the greed, insensitivity and utterly disgraceful attitude that grandmother has exhibited. She should be down on her knees thanking the Lord, just as my mother did when I returned from combat, that her "souvenir" wasn't a body bag. -– MATT IN POST FALLS, IDAHO
DEAR MATT: Several other readers also suggested that the grandmother might be becoming senile. I hadn't thought of that angle. Thank you for pointing it out.
DEAR ABBY: Adam's grandmother should consult her dictionary. GIFT: something bestowed or acquired without being sought or earned by the receiver.
That young man should send his grandmother a box of camel dung. When my daughter was in the desert, she said it was plentiful and easily accessible. –- PROUD MOM, FORKS, WASH.
DEAR MOM: In other words, "Sweets for the sweet."
DEAR ABBY: I'm a flight attendant who flies these heroes to and from the conflict. Let me set the record straight on behalf of these soldiers. They are not allowed the regular checked baggage allowance set by the airlines. The armed forces allow these men and women to take only what can fit in a duffle bag, plus their weapons and safety gear. -– FLIGHT ATTENDANT IN ILLINOIS
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
First Date Is Not the Time to Reveal Your Hiv Status
DEAR ABBY: I am a blond, slim, 5-foot-10 female -- single and in great shape. People tell me I am beautiful. I am also HIV-positive.
I would like to meet someone special and settle down. But as soon as I meet a man I like, I struggle with the question of when to reveal my health situation. I have told them right away and I never hear from them again, which I find very insulting.
Some of my friends tell me I should date a guy for a few months and then say something, but I'd feel betrayed if someone waited that long to tell me.
I don't want to just blurt out the information at a first meeting. I'm very confused. Please help me. -- WANTS TO BE MARRIED, GAINESVILLE, FLA.
DEAR WANTS TO BE MARRIED: There is no need to wear a scarlet letter declaring to anyone who shows an interest that you are HIV-positive. There is EVERY reason in the world to take the time to get to know someone -- and for him to get to know you -- before having sex. When you are finally ready for physical intimacy, you should then disclose your HIV status. If the man loves you, he won't leave you. If he doesn't love you, good riddance.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently lost our 24-year-old son in an automobile accident. While the emotional pain is tremendous, we're now beginning to venture out into social gatherings. Inevitably the question comes up, "How many children do you have?" How should we answer that question?
It feels wrong to acknowledge only our two remaining children, but saying, "We had three, but recently lost one" sounds like we have a cat that can't find its way home. Also, it steers the conversation in one of two paths -- a detailed conversation about his death, or one that ends awkwardly.
Should we just say we have one son living "here" and a daughter living "there," and assume the person will eventually learn that we had another child? This may seem like a silly question, but it makes us not want to venture out much. -- GRIEVING IN RICHMOND, VA.
DEAR GRIEVING: Your letter illustrates once again how dangerous it is to ask personal questions. Asking people if they have children, or how many they have, can also be devastating to couples who have been unable to conceive.
In a situation like yours, respond that you had three children, but one recently died in a car accident -- and then change the subject. Unless the questioner has the hide of a rhinoceros, he or she will be glad to discuss something else.
DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are both divorced and over 50. My dream is to be married on the beach in a formal wedding gown.
My family says it is not appropriate for someone my age to wear a wedding gown. We plan to be married this summer, and the gown is very important to me. What's your opinion? -- STARRY-EYED IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.
DEAR STARRY-EYED: Your family is mistaken. According to my trusted 16th Edition of Emily Post's Etiquette, you may wear a wedding gown if you wish -- although "a second-time bride usually forgoes a train as part of her gown." So, have your dream wedding, and may your marriage be a long and happy one.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)