DEAR ABBY: Is it possible to marry someone for love and have it turn to what feels like hate over nothing? (I mean, I can't think of one "big" thing that has gone bad.)
My 11-year marriage is about to end because of -- get this -- nothing! We have three wonderful kids, 3, 6 and 9. I'd do anything for them, which is why I'm still here.
Abby, when I wake up in the morning, it is without a "good morning." When I enter a room from shopping, etc., the reaction I get from my husband is not a "hello," but a sneer, and I'm not exaggerating. He says "goodnight" only if I say it first.
I take care of the bills, the kids and the house. I also work outside the home. I never get any acknowledgment for anything I do. There is a lot of tension all day long. (You should try walking around the house with him.) I am ready to do something -- but I don't know what. I know the first step is talking, and I have tried. His usual response is, "I'm acting this way because you did it first!"
Am I wrong to want a sincere smile and someone who likes me and is happy at least some of the time? (Oh, he is a wonderful person to everyone else.) I feel really hated and he won't tell me why. What now? -- SUFFERING IN WASHINGTON
DEAR SUFFERING: You are not suffering because of "nothing." You are under full-scale assault by your passive-aggressive spouse. His refusal to discuss what's wrong ensures that whatever it is, it cannot be fixed. Please do not continue to tolerate it, because your children will notice, if they haven't already, and mistake what's going on for "normal."
For your sake and for theirs, copy all of the financial records and property records you can locate. Make sure no assets can be hidden. Then offer your husband a choice: marriage counseling or a divorce lawyer. You have suffered enough.