Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Girl's Presidential Dream Earns Grass Roots Support
DEAR READERS: Last week I printed some of the letters I received in support of the 13-year-old girl, "I Have a Dream," who aspired to be president of the United States. Her teacher and classmates ridiculed her. The letters have been wonderful and deserve to be shared. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was deeply touched by that girl's letter. Her "teacher" needs to find another profession, and her parents need to find a lawyer to file a bullying case against the school district for doing nothing to stop the harassment.
Any court judgment that results from the suit should be used to send that forward-thinking young lady to a great prep school and to pay for her college education. If there's money left over, she should put it toward her very first political campaign -- perhaps running for a seat on the local school board. Hey, you have to start somewhere. -- SHE'S GOT MY VOTE, KAHULUI, HAWAII
DEAR S.G.M.V.: Not a bad idea. You should be her campaign manager.
DEAR ABBY: I am a state-licensed psychologist. A number of years ago, I surveyed 1,500 boys and girls attending five elementary schools in Miami. I asked them to answer "yes" or "no" to a series of 10 questions, which included if they had ever thought of becoming president of the United States when they grew up.
To my surprise, I discovered more girls than boys answered "yes." I also learned that half the students had been told that only a male could be president.
Through my nonprofit foundation, Women Are Wonderful Foundation Inc., I do all I can to promote female leadership. Young women deserve all the support we can give them to realize their ambitions. -- ANN MOLIVER RUBEN, PH.D., WESTON, FLA.
DEAR DR. RUBEN: And because of people like you, she is getting it.
DEAR ABBY: Please encourage that bright young future leader to check out The White House Project at www.thewhitehouseproject.org. It's an organization dedicated to electing a woman to the White House and other positions of political leadership. It has an area called "GirlZone," which highlights areas where girls can become politically active, and participating Girl Scouts can earn their White House leadership patch. And, Abby, please tell "I Have a Dream" that we all wish her success in her pursuits. -- POLITICAL FEMINIST IN HOUSTON
DEAR FEMINIST: Thank you for another great resource.
DEAR ABBY: Back in the '60s, during my senior year, a member of the FBI came to speak to our class about recruitment. I inquired about female agents, and the agent, as well as my entire senior class, broke out in uproarious laughter. When the agent finally recovered, he told me there were secretarial positions within the agency, but nothing more.
I eventually wound up in another male-dominated field, and I have realized that gender has nothing to do with the ability to do the job. I smile today when I see female agents representing the FBI. I wonder sometimes how difficult it was for that FBI agent to adjust to women "infiltrating" his domain.
So, please tell that girl to hang onto her dream and realize that her tormentors are the ones who will be stuck in dead-end, unfulfilling positions (and wonder where they went wrong), because they never learned to dream "big." -- SUNNY WILSON, GAUTIER, MISS.
GOOD-TIME GIRL LEAVES FIANCE STANDING OUTSIDE OF CLUB DOOR
DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Rhonda," and I went to a nightclub. The bouncer said she could go in, but I could not. I wasn't surprised because the doors are always open to gorgeous women. What did surprise me was that Rhonda went in and left me standing there.
The next day I asked her if we could go places where we could both have a good time. She said: "Look. I wanted to go in, OK? My friends were there, and I wanted to have a good time."
Well, so did I, Abby! She could have gone to the club another time with her girlfriends. We were supposed to be together that night. I think it was insulting and callous for her to treat me like that. I'm so hurt I'm ready to break the engagement.
Do you think I am being overly sensitive? Rhonda does. -- HURT AND ASHAMED IN N.Y.C.
DEAR HURT AND ASHAMED: Not only was it insulting and callous of Rhonda to leave you at the door, it was also selfish, immature and completely without regard for your feelings. You were remarkably tolerant not to have broken the engagement the next morning. However, please consider it. Rhonda has a lot of growing up to do before she should marry anyone.
DEAR ABBY: My friends "Mike" and "Mary" were happily married for 20 years. They led a healthy, active life and were an inspiration to many people, including me.
Unfortunately, Mary lost her battle with cancer three months ago. Mike was her devoted caregiver, but now he says he is ready to live again.
Mike and I share many interests and have been spending time together, but we're unsure about what the proper waiting period should be to begin dating publicly. The time is right as far as we're concerned, but we are worried about the feelings and attitudes of others -- even though we've been friends for 20 years.
What do you think is the appropriate length of time before we can "go public"? -- READY TO LIVE AGAIN
DEAR READY: There is no one-size-fits-all answer to that question. Did Mike and Mary have children? How will a quick attachment look to them? How long was Mary's battle with cancer? If it was a long fight, then people in your community will recognize that Mike had time to mourn his loss before her actual death.
In a nutshell, there is no exact timetable for grief. But in my opinion, six months to a year is a reasonable time, out of respect for a loved one's memory, before "going public" -- unless the two of you are in your 80s. (In which case, time may be of the essence.)
DEAR ABBY: Please advise this never-married 41-year-old woman how to answer the dreaded, "So why aren't you married yet?" question. During the early getting-to-know-you stage of dating, this question invariably comes up, and I always feel like I'm taking a pop quiz -- and failing. Please advise. -- ON THE SPOT IN TUCSON
DEAR ON THE SPOT: Stop feeling defensive about it, and just tell the truth. "The right person hasn't asked me."
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Daughter Yearns to Drive Despite Mom's Trepidation
DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old daughter, "Michelle," wants to take driver's education next year when she's in the 10th grade. Most of her friends will be taking the class. I explained to her that I'm so afraid something will happen while she's behind the wheel, I don't want to sign for the class or her permit.
Michelle has assured me that she's responsible and would never drive without my consent. She says I should trust her. She's a great child -- a straight-A student and very trustworthy. I do trust her, but I can't get over my fear of losing her. She says she understands, but I see the hurt in her eyes whenever she tries to talk to me about it.
Yesterday a boy in a nearby city, driving with only his permit, was in an accident that killed seven children -- ages 15 and under. I'm sure the boy's parents trusted their son or they wouldn't have signed for his permit. Now they have to live with this. I don't think I could handle the guilt. I'm afraid if I sign, Michelle may drive the way that boy did and wind up in a fatal accident. Children aren't perfect. Sometimes they do things they shouldn't.
Am I doing the right thing? Please help me, Abby. -- PROTECTIVE MOM, GLEN, MISS.
DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: Much as you might wish to, you cannot "protect" a child by keeping her ignorant. In her driver's education class she will learn basic rules of the road, including how to safely operate an automobile under strict supervision. After that, some states, including your own, place significant restrictions on teenage drivers. Only at age 18 is a person entitled to apply in Mississippi for a full, unrestricted one-year license.
If you wish to add restrictions of your own, the option is yours, particularly if the car is yours. I suggest making a contract with her that stipulates what grade average she must maintain to keep her driving privileges, limiting the number of passengers she can transport, and also setting distance limits. A version of the following contract has appeared in my column before:
DRIVING CONTRACT
I ( ), agree to the stipulations stated below granting me the privilege of driving. If, at any time, I violate this agreement, my driving privileges will be forfeited.
(1) Should I get a traffic ticket, I agree to pay for the ticket, as well as the difference in the insurance premium for as long as the premium is in effect.
(2) I agree to pay for damages that I incur not covered by insurance.
(3) At no time will I ever drink alcoholic beverages and drive, nor will there ever be any in the car.
(4) I will not drive the car until I and all passengers have buckled up.
(5) I will keep the car I drive clean, inside and out, be aware of its needs for gas, oil, etc., and wax it as needed.
I have read the above agreement and sign it in accordance with the rules.
Signed,
( ) Child
( ) Parent
Date:
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)