To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
GREAT-GRANDKIDS HAVEN'T EXCUSE FOR IGNORING FAMILY MATRIARCH
DEAR ABBY: My mother is 102. She lives in a nursing home where everyone loves her. She is an inspiration to all. She is unable to walk but her memory is fine. In the three years she's been there, I've visited her every day except two.
Mother has more than a dozen great-grandchildren, all adults now. There wasn't a single happy event in their lives that she didn't commemorate with a gift or card. How sad, Abby, that since she's been confined, they've shut her out. They don't visit or send greeting cards for special occasions -- not even Christmas.
When I visit her, it hurts to see the tears in her eyes as she asks about each one. They are all living well, and distance is not a problem. They just don't take the time.
Please, print this in your column. They all read it. If they heed your advice, maybe smiles will replace the tears on Mother's sad and forgotten face. -- DISAPPOINTED IN CHICAGO
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You're complaining to the wrong person. Pick up the phone and direct your dismay at "the great-grandchildren." Remind them that your mother is of sound mind and that isolation can be a killer. One nice thing about nursing homes is the fact that many patients can be taken out of them for a meal or an outing. If the great-grandchildren are not aware of it, be sure to let them know.
DEAR ABBY: I am in the process of trying to quit smoking, and I have a pet peeve.
Sometimes when I'm home relaxing and watching television, a commercial for a product to help people stop smoking will come on. Abby, the sight of a cigarette gives me the urge to smoke!
Since the surgeon general was wise enough to ban cigarette ads on TV, why are they allowed to advertise smoking cessation products and show lighted cigarettes? The sight of that burning cigarette in the ad starts me craving.
It's torture to those who are trying to quit. Please help me encourage stop-smoking advertisers NOT to use cigarettes in their ads! Thank you. -- TRYING TO QUIT SMOKING IN MICHIGAN
DEAR TRYING TO QUIT: I'm printing your letter because you have a valid point. There have been times when 15 minutes after watching a food commercial, I have found myself in the kitchen with my nose in the refrigerator. Since marketing is such a large part of our culture, the lesson here may be that people can never let down their guard.
DEAR ABBY: My husband has run up telephone bills amounting to $15,000. His credit cards are maxed out on "900" numbers. That's not all -- our two children can't go online without something sexual appearing on the screen or someone sending an instant message, thinking they are talking to my husband about sex.
When I leave the house, he immediately puts our daughters in their rooms and goes online to porn sites or to talk to women. He is taking much-needed money from me and our children to get his kicks. I have begged him to stop, but the problem is getting worse. Should I stick to my word and leave him if he doesn't quit? -- WORRIED WIFE IN KENTUCKY
DEAR WORRIED WIFE: Yes. Because your husband's problem affects the children, it is time to draw the line.
He isn't behaving that way for "kicks." He appears to be severely addicted to sex.
If he's receptive to getting help, he should contact the Augustine Fellowship. It's an international organization of more than 1,000 groups -- a 12-step program based on the principles of AA. It serves people who want to break their patterns of sex and love addiction, or obsessive/compulsive behavior. The Web site is www.slaafws.org; the phone number is 781-255-8825.
Teenager's Presidential Dream Wins Many Votes of Confidence
DEAR READERS: Yesterday, I printed some of the responses I have received from people offering encouragement to the 13-year-old girl who dreams of becoming president of the United States. My office has been flooded with terrific messages of support for her, and I am printing more of them today. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl writing in response to "I Have a Dream." I was enraged when I read her letter. Tell her to NEVER let the fact that she is female get in her way and to hold her head high. She is an avant-garde thinker ready for the future, surrounded by a bunch of backward, out-of-date idiots.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Be strong, stubborn and positive that you'll get there, and you WILL accomplish your dream. You go, girl! -- ENRAGED TEEN FEMINIST, ROCHESTER, N.Y.
DEAR ENRAGED: And I have no doubt that you will also achieve YOUR dreams. Thanks for a great letter.
DEAR ABBY: I was taken aback by the fact that "I Have a Dream's" teacher laughed at her when she said she wants to be president of the United States. His inappropriate response was merely a demonstration of his own lack of ability. To say a 13-year-old woman cannot aspire to be president is as absurd as telling Arnold Schwarzenegger, a poor immigrant weightlifter, that he cannot become governor of California. -- JIM DONOVAN, AUTHOR OF 'HANDBOOK TO A HAPPIER LIFE'
DEAR JIM: Well said!
DEAR ABBY: I am 60 years old. When I was her age, a woman had four choices: office worker, wife, nurse, teacher. That was it. My sister was told she couldn't go into computers because that was "a man's job." My daughter is extremely good with computers and uses them at her job in finance, another field that was closed to women in the past.
A woman certainly will be president. A woman has already run a major country. To name a few: Golda Meir, Israel; Indira Gandhi, India; and Margaret Thatcher, England. "I Have a Dream" should run for president of her class and the student council. She should seek office in her town, her state and her country. If she's not elected, she should analyze her defeat and run again. She will succeed. -- CAROLYN AUGUSTINE, LAKEWOOD, WASH.
DEAR CAROLYN: She'd get my vote.
DEAR ABBY: I am an over-40 member of the U.S. military. That young girl should hold her head high and use either national security adviser Condoleezza Rice or Sen. Hillary Clinton as examples of women who could easily be their party's candidates for president in four years. In America, anyone can dream of being president. -- LT. COL. JEFFREY A. THOMPSON, MIDWEST CITY, OKLA.
DEAR LT. COL. THOMPSON: Yes, and the realization of that dream could be close at hand.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter expressed the desire to be president in second grade; no one laughed. She was her high school class valedictorian and is graduating from a difficult engineering college "magna cum laude." She had a full military scholarship, so she'll be commissioned as an officer to serve for the next five years. I have faith that she could become a great president one day. I will never discourage her. The teacher who laughed at "I Have a Dream" should be fired, and the tormenting students should be punished. -- PROUD MOM IN BEDFORD, N.H.
DEAR PROUD MOM: I'm sure that part of your daughter's success is because she was lucky enough to have parents who encouraged and supported her. My congratulations to your daughter, and to you.
Readers, stay tuned. I'll print more on this subject next week.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "I Have a Dream," the 13-year-old girl who wants to be president of the United States, while en route to meet with our state assemblyman and senator. I have never written a Dear Abby letter before; however, that girl's letter touched my heart. I am angry she is being ridiculed.
When I was in elementary school and told people that I wanted to be a doctor, they told me that my dream was also impossible. There were few women doctors then. We were poor, so I started my career in nursing school. I worked my way through college and medical school. Today, I am not only a doctor, but also a teacher in medical school.
Please tell that young girl to ignore those who are jealous of her and to strive for her goals. She can do it!
Today, I met a young man in his 20s. He is the legislative director to Sen. Nick Spano of the New York state Senate. I asked his advice for "I Have a Dream." He said:
(1) First, do not listen to those who laugh at you or don't support you.
(2) Stay involved in your knowledge of current events.
(3) Read the newspaper.
(4) Become involved in your community. This is how you meet people. You may be able to volunteer for someone during this election year.
(5) Run for school office/student government.
It is also a good idea to have a mentor -- someone in government or politics -- and always stay in touch with him or her.
As I was leaving the New York State Capitol building, there was an exhibit showing photographs of women in New York state senior government positions. They numbered 47!
I hope this inspires that girl and gives her the courage to follow her dream. I wish her all the best -- and hope she'll let us know when she runs for her first office. -- FRANCES MCGILL, M.D., BRONXVILLE, N.Y.
DEAR DR. MCGILL: I concur with you on all points. Bless you for the wonderful pep talk. I'm betting your letter inspires many more young women than the one who wrote. You're a wonderful role model. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: This message is for the little girl who dreams of being president. I saw a bumper sticker once that should encourage her: "A woman's place is in the House ... the Senate ... and the Oval Office." -- FEMINIST IN AUBURN, ALA.
DEAR FEMINIST: I agree. A woman's place is wherever she wants to be, and feels she can make a contribution.
DEAR ABBY: When I was 11, I decided I wanted to be an astronaut. Peers and adults laughed. They said I was silly to think a girl (and a poor one at that) could ever become an astronaut or even study science.
Due to vision problems, I never became an astronaut. But I did earn a Ph.D. in a scientific field. I am a tenured professor at a research-oriented university. So, who's laughing now? I am! -- RHONDA A. HYDE, Ph.D.
DEAR DR. HYDE: And I'm laughing with you. A woman can travel as far as her dream can take her -- and sometimes even beyond. More on this subject tomorrow.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)