DEAR ABBY: I thought you and your readers might enjoy these announcements from actual church bulletins. Get ready to chuckle! -- LOIS IN HELLERTOWN, PA.
DEAR LOIS: Although these have appeared in my column before, I'm sure many people would welcome a chuckle. Read on:
ANNOUNCEMENTS
1. Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.
2. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Jenny Palmer to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
3. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and may be seen in the fellowship hall all day Friday.
4. This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
5. Tonight's sermon will be "What is Hell?" Come early and hear our choir practice.