DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned about my relationship with my fiance (I'll call him Stan). We are both 20 years old and have very different views on life. Stan is employed part time and is satisfied with that.
I need someone in my life who can help me financially, emotionally and physically. I don't want a man who has no career goals. Stan and I were supposed to move into an apartment together. Now that's been put on hold.
Stan's mom does everything for him, and he doesn't want to move away from home. When we plan to do something, we have to work around his mother's schedule because he is also her chauffeur. If I were to marry Stan, I would gain a horrible mother-in-law. I don't think she is very fond of me, either.
Stan is so in love with me, and the idea that we'll always be together, that if I tell him it's over, he will be crushed.
Our relationship is at a point that I have sought sexual fulfillment elsewhere. My friends tell me that if he doesn't know about the other men it won't hurt him. Should I continue to be dishonest with Stan, or what? Abby, please help me. I desperately need your advice. -- IN OVER MY HEAD IN TACOMA
DEAR IN: Your fiance appears to be far from ready to take on the responsibilities of marriage. Level with Stan -- I assure you, his mother will comfort him.
This should be a learning experience for both of you, and in the future, before you make a commitment, be absolutely certain that you and the young man want the same things from marriage.