DEAR ABBY: I am the youngest of three girls who are all married. Our mom is now widowed.
Our problem is that our oldest sister is in a very unhappy marriage with three almost grown girls. We love our sister very much, but tolerating her husband has become unbearable for all of us. We have tried for many years to ignore his painful and disrespectful behavior, but it is becoming increasingly difficult. Our sister knows how we feel about him and that we have tried different approaches with him, but she still wants us to be together for family holidays and anniversaries. We feel bad about her situation and want to see her and the kids, but it is now getting so bad that we find ourselves dreading the holidays because it is so unpleasant and uncomfortable being around him.
I'm afraid that our family traditions are going to fall apart, because we all want to avoid being with him. Is there anything we can do? -- STUMPED IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR STUMPED: As long as your sister is married to this man, there is no way you can exclude her husband without excluding her. However, you do not have to tolerate his being disrespectful to your sister in your presence. If he starts up, present a united front and ask him to please knock it off for the evening, in the name of family harmony.