DEAR ABBY: "Mel" and I married two years ago. He was 67 and retired, a widower after 30-plus years of marriage, with two children and four grandchildren. I'm 54, stopped working when I married him, have three children and one grandchild. Mel and I now live in the same house he lived in with his wife.
Before the wedding I asked Mel if we were going to move. I made it clear that I didn't want to stay in his house. He promised we would move. Bottom line: It's been two years and now he says we're not moving. He's happy in this house, comfortable, etc. I once suggested that he let me change things around the house a little. His response: "What for? Everything is in its place. Besides, we're moving anyway."
What shall I do? He does not see things the way I do because he is not hurting emotionally. I have become very frustrated because even if we talk it out the whole day, he'll conveniently "forget" and not do anything about it. Abby, I'm not getting any younger and if I need to get a job, I should try to get one right now.
One other thing: He thinks money is everything. But I have proven to him that money is not everything to me by signing a prenuptial agreement wherein I get nothing. However, he always says he will provide for me when he's gone, that I will not go hungry, etc. How can I believe him when he cannot even make good on his word regarding moving? -- UNHAPPY IN ORANGE COUNTY, CALIF.
DEAR UNHAPPY: I am unable to determine from your letter if your husband is "forgetting" because he is selfish or whether it could be the beginning of senile dementia. But I urge you to protect yourself. By all means, find a job. You may need the income. Also, consult an attorney to find out how your husband will provide for you, should anything happen to him, in the aftermath of that prenuptial agreement you signed. I, too, wonder how you can believe his promise to take care of you, since he refuses to follow through about moving.