DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.
DEAR ABBY: Here's a silly question that has become not so silly recently: About 16 years ago, my wife and I had a large wedding. Recently, apparently for the first time, my mother viewed our wedding album. She took an intense dislike to her appearance in a picture of my father and her dancing. This is the only picture of my parents in the album, Abby, but my mother has requested that we remove it and give it to her to destroy. She says she would hate to have her descendants see that likeness of her, and she reminded us that she never gave her permission to use this picture in the first place.
Both my wife and I think it is an excellent picture of my parents, and had we thought otherwise we would not have included it in our album. Since in our view the sole objection to this picture is an irrational one, which exists only in my mother's mind, and to destroy it would mean there would be no picture of my parents in our wedding album, we have refused her request.
Are we wrong? Or does my mother have a right to this picture? Ironically, I am a guidance counselor. -- FAMILY PROBLEM
DEAR FAMILY: It is your wedding album and it will undoubtedly outlast your annoyed mother. If she continues to fuss, remove the picture from the album, have it copied, give the original to her, and later place the copy in your album.
DEAR ABBY: In the last five years or so, most couples whom I have married have asked that I omit that portion of the service that asks if anyone present objects to the marriage that is about to take place. However, before each ceremony, I ask the bride and groom separately if they are sure they want to go through with the wedding. A number of times one or the other has said "No," the ceremony has been canceled with the church filled and the reception waiting. -- THE REV. W. LEE TRUMAN, FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH, WHITTIER, CALIF.
DEAR MR. TRUMAN: With the church filled and reception waiting! Although it beats going through with the marriage, one can imagine the humiliation, heartache and headaches of all parties concerned -- not to mention the outrageous expense.
Your experience makes a strong case for insisting that all couples have premarital counseling, which nearly all churches, synagogues and temples now offer.
DEAR ABBY: My husband is 36, attractive and well-liked. He owns his own business, which requires some traveling and night entertaining, but he's always come home at a reasonable hour, ready, willing and able to make love to me, so I had no reason to worry.
One day last week before sending his suit to the dry cleaners, I checked the pockets and found a paper cocktail napkin on which was scribbled "Margo" and a telephone number. Then I did something I'm not very proud of. I wrote down the number and kept it.
When my husband came home, I casually handed him the cocktail napkin, saying, "This was in your pocket; it might be important."
He took it very matter-of-factly and said, "She's a woman with a wholesale jewelry connection. I was going to surprise you with something for your anniversary next month."
Later that evening when I was alone, I called the number and Margo answered. I told her I was interested in buying some jewelry, and she said I must have the wrong Margo because she was an airline stewardess!
So far I haven't told my husband about that call, but it's been bothering me. Should I tell him, or let it go? -- NEEDS ADVICE
DEAR NEEDS: Tell him. But wait until after your anniversary. One "surprise" deserves another.
DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MARRIAGE NURTURED 30 YEARS FAILS TO YIELD LARGER DIAMOND
DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.
DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I were married 31 years ago, he gave me the smallest diamond I had ever seen. I was glad to get any diamond at the time, but as the years passed, my husband became more prosperous and I kept hoping he would replace it with a larger one. He never did.
On my 25th wedding anniversary, I gave him a fine piece of jewelry with money I had saved out of my household allowance. He gave me 25 roses.
Soon after, I lost the diamond out of my ring. My husband promised to buy me another one, but he didn't. When we passed a jewelry store, I'd stop to look in the window, but my husband would walk away.
Last year on our 30th anniversary, my husband handed me a tiny box. When I opened it, I found my old ring with the tiny diamond replaced. I tried to put it on my finger, but I had gained some weight and it wouldn't fit. I put it back in the box, where it's been ever since.
What should I do? Have my ring made larger and wear it?
My husband could well afford a bigger diamond, and I feel like a poor relative among my friends who have lovely jewelry. -- LIKES DIAMONDS (BIG)
DEAR LIKES: Face it. Your husband is not likely to buy you a bigger diamond unless you ask for one. If it's that important to you and he can afford it, ask him. Besides, diamonds are not only a girl's best friend, they're also a good investment.
DEAR ABBY: Please help settle a disagreement we are having in our family. My grandson sent out his high school graduation announcements before he knew that he didn't have enough credits to graduate.
He received many lovely graduation gifts, including some nice checks from relatives. I say all the gifts (and of course the checks) should be returned because he didn't really graduate. His mother (my daughter) insists that he is entitled to keep the gifts because he completed 12 years of schooling.
Do you think my daughter is right, and I should butt out? -- ILLINOIS GRANNY
DEAR GRANNY: Your grandson should keep the gifts and send thank-you notes explaining that he did not graduate with his class, but he plans to make up the deficient credits and earn his diploma eventually -- if indeed he intends to do so. Otherwise, he should return the gifts.
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday my boss showed me a picture of an elegant sofa in a current magazine, and said if I could guess the price of it within $200 he would give me the $200. (He had seen this sofa in a Beverly Hills store.)
When I guessed $2,800, he looked as though he'd been shot. He said the price of the sofa was $3,000, but he refused to give me the $200, saying that my guess was just $1 low!
According to my calculation, $2,800 is within $200 of $3,000. Please answer in your column. If I am wrong, I will throw in the towel and be a good sport.
I have been my boss's faithful Girl Friday for four years. Please don't mention his name or mine. -- LAKEWOOD, CALIF.
DEAR LAKEWOOD: I don't know how your boss figures, but I figure he owes you $200.
(P.S. And he should throw in a $50 bonus for protecting his identity.)
DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law and her husband celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary last August. Because of my sister-in-law's poor health, her daughter is planning a party to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary next month, which is premature by nearly a whole year.
I am reluctant to accept the invitation because I don't think it's proper to celebrate an occasion that has not yet occurred.
I grew up under the old moral code and still believe in it. Right or wrong? -- PUZZLED IN ELMHURST, ILL.
DEAR PUZZLED: Wrong! I think it's more "moral" to be kind and prematurely generous than to go by the book and risk being too late.
DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
COUPLE SHOULD STRAIGHTEN OUT MONEY ISSUE BEFORE TYING KNOT
DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.
DEAR ABBY: I need help with a problem I can't discuss with anyone I know. I'm a 70-year-old widow, in good health and living in my own home, which is paid for. A man about my age has asked me to marry him, and I've said yes. He lives in another state in an apartment building he owns. He's willing to move to my town and even to my home.
My problem: Shouldn't we have a financial arrangement beforehand? He has grown children and so do I. I don't want his money, but I think he should assume my financial support when I marry him. How do I bring this up?
Should we get a lawyer? I'm afraid that would look like I didn't trust him. I do, but I want my children's inheritance left intact.
Thanks for any advice you can offer. -- SECOND TIME AROUND
DEAR SECOND: You most certainly should have a lawyer draw up a prenuptial agreement beforehand stating clearly who pays for what after you marry as well as what kind of settlement there will be should the marriage end in divorce.
You should bring it up in plain English, unless you can communicate better in another language.
He's no doubt just as eager to have his financial responsibility (and yours) clearly defined before he says, "I do."
DEAR ABBY: I would like your opinion of something my fiance said last night. I asked him if he had ever changed a baby's diaper, and he replied, "Absolutely not; the thought of it repulses me."
Abby, I am not saying this particular task should be shared equally between us, but I would like to think that if we had a child and I happened to be away for a few hours, my husband would change our baby's diaper if necessary.
What do you think? -- DECEMBER BRIDE
DEAR BRIDE: I think there should be some changes made before you have children. And for openers, one should be your fiance's attitude.
DEAR ABBY: I am the younger of two sons in a family business. My father, who runs the business, is a very impatient man. I can never do anything to please him. He finds fault with everything I do. When I try to defend myself, he just throws up his hands in disgust and walks away.
There's not a day that passes in my life that he doesn't find fault with me. I am losing confidence in myself. I do my very best, and all I get is verbal abuse. I just can't tolerate it anymore.
What should I do? -- M. IN BALTIMORE
DEAR M.: Get another job. Or find a doctor who treats ulcers.
DEAR ABBY: There is a question I have been wanting to ask you for a long time.
What do you say when some idiot comes up to you, just stands there and says, "Where have I seen you before?" -- BUGGED IN BUTTE
DEAR BUGGED: I reply, "I don't know. Where have you been?"
DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)