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WEDDING BETWEEN FAMILIES OF DIFFERENT CULTURES
Question: Our 21-year-old granddaughter is marrying a 25-year-old Hispanic gentleman next month. The wedding was put together very quickly. It will be a lovely garden wedding in our daughter's backyard. The gentleman is a hardworking, honest, decent person, and (our granddaughter) is very much in love with him. Our family has never met his family. We are told that his parents do not speak English. Some members of our family speak marginal Spanish. Could you please give us some advice to make this wedding go smoothly?
M.R. (The grandmother who needs help.)
Lily: Both parties should meet before the big day so everyone feels included. The groom's family may have traditions they want to incorporate into the wedding, such as a family "laso" (a unity cord) or a favorite hymn.
The meeting should be casual yet personal -- maybe a nice dinner at your daughter's home with only the immediate family, so as not to overwhelm anyone.
As for the language barrier, as long as one person assists with the translation, you should all be able to understand.
Good luck. As in any wedding, you marry two families, their traditions, their customs and their most precious loved ones.
Danny: Make no assumptions, and be certain they don't speak English. Proceed with an open mind and heed Lily's advice.
I feel it is my duty to caution you on potential traditions. Mexican-style "bodas" (wedding receptions) have a reputation for providing "novela" (soap-opera) style drama. The drunk "tia" (aunt) is a staple at these functions: loud, flirty and then angry when she is outdone by the inappropriately dressed cousin. There might be some bouncing of the groom in a bed sheet with a ton of men's shoes and, my favorite, the dollar dance. This is when the bride and groom dance with guests in exchange for a dollar. There is always the mandatory same-sex dance between the groom and the best man, possibly even a drunk uncle. This is totally normal.
Maybe I've said too much, but now you're prepared.
Catherine: It is amazing how much can be communicated without words. Make an effort to spend time with the groom's family and show them that you are glad they are there. Strike up a conversation, even if it is in English. Invite them over to the house before the wedding. Go out to eat. Time spent together will do a world of good. Who knows what hilarious jokes you all will form trying to communicate with each other.
Encourage everyone to get out of their comfort zone and hang out with their new extended family.
We want your questions! Consejos is a bicultural advice column that focuses on relationships, identity and workplace issues. Contact: consejos@dallasnews.com or Consejos, The Dallas Morning News, P.O. Box 655237, Dallas, TX 75265 You can also visit dallasnews.com/consejos to access previous columns and to comment on the Consejos blog.
